my-speck

i'm pregnant and it's going to be a rollercoaster

hot hot hot… working at home in knickers isn’t generally the kinda thing you want to let slip on a conference call. oh well, blame it on baby brain and the heat. January 23, 2009

Filed under: development stages,exhaustion,pregnancy — rakster @ 4:21 pm
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Hiya Speck!

Hope you’re ok down there.  Pretty sure you had a bit of a wriggle around last night.  But the layer of fat between my hands and you makes it hard to tell exactly (its getting bigger with the lack of exercise due to ankle)… Ah well.

Its very hot today.  I trust you’re laying low and keeping cool.  I am drinking as much water as I can but the consequence is even more frequent peeing.  Think yo-yo between the computer (work) and the bathroom (loo).  I usually try to cut out water a bit before bed time but its just too hot for that too.    I have thus been up and down all night too, which makes me a bit more grumpy during the day than normal, and quite a bit more tired.  I had plans for dinner and a movie last night but just had to lie down after another VERY busy day at the office.   So I cancelled and lay down.  I think you appreciated it, as that is when I think you were having a wiggle.

Mm… It says its 31 degrees on my weather checker, but I suspect if I had a thermometer in the house here it would be more like 36.  And for once, in Sydney, its pretty damn humid.  I am off to Brisbane tonight to help your dad paint (I’m sure I can get some painting done, but really looking forward to a weekend), and I expect its only going to get worse up there.   Rain is predicted for all three days but still around 30 degrees, so stinking hot and humid.  Lovely.  I guess I need to get accustomed to it again, so jumping into the fire is one way to do it.   I have read that apparently its normal for me to feel hotter than normal because of you.  I may have increased blood flow to my skin, but I think mainly my metabolic rate is higher so I get hotter.  And of course I’m bigger.   So it feels a lot hotter to me than everyone else.

Have thus been working from home today wearing a pair of knickers and a bra-top.  Which was fine until I was on a conference call and a delivery person came to the door.  Was too hot and bothered to think of anything better to say, so I just told the whole call (thankfully only two other people whom I’ve worked with at another company for quite a while now) that I just needed to be excused as I was in my knickers and there was someone at the door, and I needed to put the phone down to put on a gown.  Mmmn….  I got told, rightly so, that I had given too much information.    Oh well, these things happen.  Blame: squarely on you for two reasons.  Firstly ’cause I’m flustered and hot because of you; and secondly just general baby brain.

Love you.  Drink lots of amniotic fluid and avoid your own wee where possible.  Your lanugo might help to keep you cool?? (its week 18 and apparently you’re covered in it now)…

love mum

love mum

 

Talk about growing fingernails January 21, 2009

Filed under: development stages,pregnancy — rakster @ 8:22 am
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Good morning Speck!

Hope you’re ok, still no kidney kicking??

Quick one to let you know I’m still thinking of you. I’ve had a very quiet few days, what with not really being able to move freely around on my ankle . Your dad has gone up to Brisbane to do some painting on our house, so being by myself it’s kinda quiet. Funny, I used to travel a lot for work and we’d be apart all the time, which while you don’t necessarily ‘like’, you definitely get used to. Well, I’m unused to it now!

Aside from that, I thought I’d let you know that it’s not just you that is growing.  My hair doesn’t come out in big clumps anymore in the shower.  Apparently that is common for pregnant people.  And my fingernails.  I know you are growing some, but I surely must be winning if it were a race.  My fingernails seem to grow about a centimetre a week.  I filed them down last night.  Photo above.  I’m going to take a photo in a few days to show you.  Bit weird.

Hope you’re well.  I miss your dad and I wish you could talk to me!

love mum

 

 

Week 17: 13cm and you wee a lot! January 16, 2009

Filed under: development stages,exercise,pregnancy — rakster @ 11:33 am
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Hi Speck,

So, Happy Week 17! You are apparently 13 cm long this week, 150 grams and you wee every 45 minutes. And then you drink it when you take big gulps of amniotic fluid. Gross. No wonder kids (and I guess adults alike) love peeing in the bath. It must remind them somehow of the months they spent doing the same in their own little growth-in-utero phase.

I haven’t felt you moving around too much over the past few days, but that could be because I have had to keep my feet up and not do too much – sprained an ankle at frisbee on Tuesday night. I’m blaming it on you – well, on the extra weight I’m carrying around that just put a bit too much strain on an ankle trying to turn quickly and stepping in a hole at the same time. I think, unfortunately, that as there are only a few weeks left in the season, that will be it for me. I might head along for the finals to eat pizza and chat with people but otherwise not much chance of more playing until after you’re born. I think my team were a bit worried that I was overdoing it anyway, so are kinda happy that I wrote myself out.

its worse than it looks. I'm a limping wounded person.

its worse than it looks. I’m a limping wounded person.

my strapped ankle

my strapped ankle

Its also been boiling hot – almost 40 degrees for the past few days.  So moving greatly even without an injured ankle is a large effort.  I’m looking forward to a beach trip tomorrow to cool off.

Hope you’re well, thinking of you. Don’t ingest too much pee!

love mum

 

Growing Pains and Bumps January 12, 2009

Filed under: development stages,pregnancy — rakster @ 12:59 pm
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Hiya Speck,

how you doing? I’m well. Famished today and yesterday. Have thankfully bought a heap of fruit to work so have eaten all the way from 7:45 am until now, when I’m onto my lunch. It feels like I’m finally starting to fill the hole. I hope you are getting some of it.

You have made your presence noticeable over the past few days. Well, I think so. My stomach seemed to ‘pop’ visibly within a day after those horrendous pains I experienced on Friday. I can now officially not do-up any of my old pants. Last week I could get them done up, though they were getting a bit tight when I sat. Today, no chance. I need to buy one of those stretchy bits of elasticy-stuff that let you wear your old pants basically undone but prevent your knickers from showing right on through. Today I’m just wearing a longer t-shirt, so its all covered but all is undone and free. I got some maternity jeans last week, so jeans are fine, but I need to go and get some other pants. Some of my skirts still fit if I hike them down.

Besides feeling bigger and having slightly uncomfortably tight clothes, its pretty great feeling overall! I now have a little rounded bump which feels good to rub, saying hello to you! I have to remember not to do it too much in public else I look like a freak. I wonder if you can feel just the rubbing – one of the books said you could feel a massage if I did one. I might give it a go again tonight when I’m lying in bed and see if you respond.

Hope you’re well and enjoyed dancing to Cat Empire on Saturday night. I did!

love you
mum

 

Happy 16 weeks! 4 months. OMG its going so fast! Yoga, cookie / biscuit cravings and more. January 9, 2009

Filed under: baby's feelings,birthing,development stages,eating,exercise,pregnancy — rakster @ 12:17 pm
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Hello Speck!

I am feeling horrendous again today.  I think it was the wheatbran I had on my yoghurt for breakfast.  It just gave me a stomach full of gas.  I’m resembling a human drum again.  Unbelievably painful. Erk.

Enough of me.  What of you???  Well, yesterday you were 16 weeks way through your uterus-living phase.  4 months! OMG.  Only 4 weeks to go and we are at 20 weeks which is halfway!  That is crazy.  It seems to be slipping by very quickly now.   According to Kaz this week you are 11.5 cm long. And even more shocking, when I just opened a packet of gas-ease type of things I got in a baby sample bag from the hospital yesterday there was a bit of ruler/paper thing that opened out to show how big you would get each week and it says you’re going to get to 52 cm long when you’re born. That is just horrendous. How the hell do you fit inside my stomach if you’re that big???  It just doesn’t make sense. I’m only 162cm tall, so I just don’t see, even if you are curled-up in foetal position, ball-like, how 52cm of you can possibly fit in any space inside my stomach. Even if my body was different to all other humans and let you start to fill the big chunky spaces in the tops of my thighs. Well, maybe then, if one of your legs went down each of my legs… Enough of that though, that is impossible. You’re just going to have to limit your growth to a more reasonable size. Think of small and round and healthy and happy rather than long and lanky. I am going to look like a beach ball though, aren’t I? No matter what happens.

Apart from your size, this week you are supposed to be growing toenails. Toenails huh? Hopefully you’ll get your dad’s type of toenails and not mine. Mine are misshapen and not suited to women’s shoes at all. Your dad’s are much neater, standard and consistently sized. You should also be getting lanugo (downy hair) starting to grow all over your body. I trust this is happening. Most alien movies I’ve seen the babies and aliens don’t have much body hair, so I guess that if you get this hair I might start to think of you less as an alien and more like a person. Good luck with that too.

I had a big baby day yesterday, in and around working. Your dad and I toured the maternity ward of the hospital here in Sydney that you’re booked into. Hopefully we won’t be using it unless you come early, but best to have an option in case that does happen. Your dad got really excited and looked extremely happy (read grin from ear to ear) whenever we walked past dads holding tiny little bundles walking around the ward. In fact, we didn’t see any new mums, just 5 or so new dads with tiny bundles. I got a bit scared looking at all the medical equipment. The rooms / birthing suites were nice and big with lots of room, but were still pretty boring. Your dad and I agreed that even though there is a spa bath in them, it would be better to hang out at home for as long as possible cause the idea of being in a green room with low ceilings, fluoro lights and lots of medical bits and pieces for hours and hours, even if there is an exercise ball and bean bag, wasn’t that appealing. We might not have that choice depending on what happens, but home sounds more comfy. It was a pretty chilled-out feeling place though compared to other wards I’ve been to in the hospital. All in all, ok.

Next baby thing was that unfortunately we missed out on the ballot for the Natural Birthing centre spot at the RWBH. I think I mentioned that we entered in it before. Anyway, that means that we have to have the baby somewhere else. Which makes the decision we were going to have to consider about private vs public for us. And means that we’re planning to have you at the Mater in Brisvegas, where all your aunts and uncles on my side of the family were born (apart from aunt 2 who was at home). And where I was born. And its close to our house in Brisvegas, so even if there is a traffic jam I think we could walk there if you were on your way. Your dad and I are happy with this – we entered the birthing centre draw so that we had an option or two to consider, but it will work out this way too.

Speaking of jam, I started getting cravings for Jam Drops again yesterday. I notice your numpty grandmother has posted a recipe for me in the comments from last post to you, but its the wrong one. Who makes jam drops with a madeira recipe? I think I can make up the one I made before, so I might just have to do that. It was basically flour, butter, sugar and milk and jam. I’ll give it a go. Strange thing to crave, but there it is. Thanks anyway grandmother. I might try those another time but I’m really after the same thing as last time. Speck you like them, I can tell, otherwise you wouldn’t be making me have cravings.

I didn’t feel you last night / this morning, but pretty sure you got very active during and after yesterday’s very strenuous yoga workout.  First organised antenatal yoga class.  It was quite good – though I think you and I would have struggled had I not gone to yoga classes before and understood a lot of the poses from previous yoga experiences. There were only two other women in the class and they were both 16 weeks and in their first class too. I found myself perhaps not so discretely checking out (read: trying hard not to openly stare at all opportunities) their baby bumps. Mine was I think the least noticeable, though I don’t think the smallest. One of the women was tiny tiny, so her bump, while small, really stood out.

Pregnant Yoga Take One: to me, it felt really different being pregnant and doing some of the poses. I could really tell my centre of gravity was different with you down there. And I was really aware that there was a section of my abdomen area that didn’t stretch or respond to some of the poses in the way it used to. And some bits that are normally really flexible and fine were a little tender (like the groin area, though that could have been from all the cycling and frisbee but it was so pronounced I reckon it is shifting stuff around that area). Another thing I noticed was how sore my feet got afterwards. I really worked out the arches. Could be just ’cause I haven’t done it in so long, but I suspect the additional kgs I’m having to support makes a difference too. It felt really good though. I liked being aware of you down there. My breathing when doing it really moves up and down the spine a bit more and pushes out the abdomen to an exaggerated extent from normal. I guess it will get much harder to breathe as you get bigger. The instructor said that when you’re much bigger you’ll most likely join in on some of the poses and do some kicking and moving of your own, and that if you move around too much or head to one side of the uterus then my balance will be off and it will be hard to hold some of the poses. I look foward to that. Your grandmother was in charge of finding me somewhere local to go in Brisbane from April onwards. Hope she remembered.

Anyway, must run, stuff to do. Thinking of you down there with your toenails and hair.

love mum

 

I feel you moving! December 29, 2008

Filed under: development stages,pregnancy — rakster @ 4:30 pm
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Hi Speck,

Quick note to let you know that I’m still thinking of you, have just been busy running around with your dad getting ready for the drive back to Sydney and seeing friends and family etc.

And I’ve been meaning to let you know that I’m 99% sure that I felt you down there!!!! It was three and two days ago now, and I felt some consistent movement which I find impossible to put into words. Other women I was talking to described it as a ‘flutter’. Not sure that’s what I’d describe it as but it felt different to the achey pains and occassional sharp twinges I’ve been feeling right at the bottom of my abdomen. This was much higher and felt softer and just, well, different. I felt it quite a few times over a half hour or so, then again the next day.

Anyway, thought I’d let you know! I was excited.

Love you

Mum

 

Fluttering and getting more solid around the waist December 19, 2008

Filed under: development stages,emotion,pregnancy — rakster @ 7:31 am
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Hi Speck!

Long time no write. I’m still making my way up the coast to Brisbane with your dad and grandparents, so it’s a bit harder to write – I’m on my iphone (which reminds me, I’ve been meaning to do an ‘historical’ post about the things that have been newsworthy and just synonymous with this year – time capsule like, but that can come later when I have a proper keyboard available).

Anyway, this morning I’m lying in a bed with a view straight out over the pacific ocean at Scott’s Head, and I can hear the waves breaking below. It’s pretty gorgeous. Your dad got out of bed before the sun came up, and I assume is off fishing somewhere down on one of the beaches (just so you know he never seems to catch much but derives hours of pleasure from just standing there doing it, which is great for him!). I stayed here in bed and slept in a bit longer as I slept badly again last night.

In addition to having to pee at least 5 times during the night ’cause your house is squishing my bladder, I had strange and disturbing dreams yet again. I’ve been having them for a while but they were a bit more sporadic previously, now they tend to be most nights and they are keeping me awake! I can’t recall last nights one now, but the one before that involved me swimming in a waterhole somewhere in the bush. There were two very large platypii (is that the plural??) that were on the edge near some rotting logs who came in while I was swimming and swam around too. Your dad was there too but I couldn’t see him, just hear his voice. That’s all I remember, apart from a feeling that the platypii were listening too and really wanted to swim with us.

No idea what that was all about but I felt happy when I woke up, and went down to the beach for a big long walk. I had been the night before too and was hoping to see more dolphins – the night before I’d seen a massive pod of at least 50 or so, with around 10 of the pod really close to the shore and doing tricks in the waves as the sun set. It was pretty cool – leaping totally out of the water, surfing the waves almost totally into the shore and generally having a great frollick. I didn’t get a dolphin repeat yesterday morning, but did have a good walk then a rather cool but invigourating swim.

And you seem to really enjoy the swimming and the walking. I’m pretty sure that I felt you flutter down there when I was lying down afterwards. My stomach is expanding at what I think is a very rapid rate (though unfortunately I think it’s due in equal parts to your presence and the ice-cream craving/fetish/obsession I have developed and have been frequently feeding). I can’t seem to suck my stomach in at all anymore, it’s simply just solid. All the better to feel you flutter with I suppose, but it is a very strange feeling to be expanding at a rate which is visibly detectable. Normally your weight fluctuates so slowly that it’s undiscernable until you look at a photo over months, but not with you. Boobs the size of rockmelons (they were large to start with but jeepers!) and a tummy trying to catch up.

I feel like a chat to you but in a disjointed holiday way, so might just leave it there and share some pictures with you from the other night’s walk. I thought a bit about you, and chatted out loud (there was no-one else on the beach), and generally just stared at the waves and setting sun.

Hope you’re well, you can look forward to more swims today!

Love mum

 

woohoo! Holidays December 12, 2008

Filed under: development stages,eating,pregnancy — rakster @ 5:00 pm
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Hi Speccie,

guess what! we’re on holidays! Its official, work has finished for the year! Just those nasty exams tomorrow to knock over, then we’re free!

By the way, was that you giving me a sharp kick in the kidneys at around 12:45? It was such a sharp, unusual pain that went away really quickly, that I suspect you were trying to stretch the boundaries of your home. Please keep it down in there if it was you – it was very painful. Otherwise, sorry to accuse you of things which aren’t down to you – I guess you have no real way of refuting it. I guess you’re stuck with that until you’re able to talk. In fact, I can blame you for everything from now until then really.

I look foward to it. I can see the conversations now:
Your dad: “Where did all the lollies go?!! What’s mine is yours and I want some lollies!”.
Me: “Oh my goodness, you little monster. Speck, I can’t believe you got into the lollies again!”.
Your dad: “I thought Speck was still on milk”.
Me: “Well, I guess he/she has moved on quickly. Fast developer, just like his/her dad :)”.

Awesome. It sounds like it might just work out. There have to be some compensations for carrying you around for nine months!

Hope you’re as excited as I am.  Look forward to lots of swims and lazing on the beach.   I might read out-loud to you if you’re lucky.

Love you

mum

 

you are an alien. I’m sure of it. And the obstetrician was right when he told us what you’d do when next we saw you: you performed on cue and waved at us. Double-handed! December 10, 2008

Filed under: development stages,healthcare,pregnancy — rakster @ 5:45 pm
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Hello Speccie,

good news – you are all in the normal and good range of the NT-scan results and the chances of you having one of those chromosomal abnormalities is pretty low. Your dad and I are pleased. Good for you. Still have questions and its all a bit weird to even think of, but reassuring I guess.

Otherwise – you seemed not to want to co-operate with us in getting the scan. I asked the ultrasound lady about the risks of ultrasound, well, actually I told her that we wanted to keep it to a minimum and she was very helpful & understanding with that & also reassuring. So she was efficient as she did it and just pointed out things quickly to us as she went about her measuring and checking. You were lying there and looking at the camera most of the time, scrunched up in a little ball though – curled up a bit like the way I sleep. We could see your head and your jawbone really clearly, and your legs were both there too. You have little arms, and we could see your finger bones, which are still hooked together in a web (I think we could make that out too). Weirdest of all, we could see your entire backbone with lots of little vertebrae really clearly. And through the top of your head we could see the two halves of your brain.

I also have a big placenta that has good blood flow in it to give you the nutrients you need, and a spot where you are connected through your umbilical cord. So all is good there.

After measuring your length & looking at your hands & arms & legs to make sure they were all there & looked ok, we tried to get the neck thickness reading. But you were asleep & in the wrong spot. So to get you to move around I had to lift my bum in the air & wiggle around. We tried that a few times, but you just didn’t want to move. Checked that you do have a heartbeat, and you do, 160 bpm at the moment, which is good. After wiggling my bum around a bunch of times you only seemed to shrug but stay in the same spot, so next we tried getting up and walking around the room while wiggling my bum. That seemed to work a bit – you kinda turned towards the camera & waved your arms in the air on either side – and looked so much like an alien with hollow eyes and a big brow but narrow chin coming at us with your arms waving around crazily up beside your head that your dad started doing impressions and dancing around with glee.  Sorry, no offence again, but you really do look just like an alien or the figure in Edward Munch’s ‘The Scream’.   I think the ultrasound lady was a bit surprised by my shouts of “oh my god, it looks like an alien freak – no offence speck”. After the single double-handed wave which sent both your dad & I into peals of laughter you immediately just then scrunched back up again and steadfastly refused to move.

Are you planning on a circus career?  You could go for a position in the freak show at the moment though I think that with the dexterity you displayed you have the capability to do a bunch of different things, and given your willingness to perform (but only at your choosing and only once dramatic bit) perhaps you are suited for something like that?  Or maybe you’ll just be a nude exhibitionist?? Up to you, but you showed promise in all these departments.

Next the ultrasound lady suggested that I needed to go and eat a bunch of sugar and come back in 10 minutes – apparently the effect of sugar on you down there is that immediate. She was hoping that it would wake you up and make you move around a lot so she could get a picture in the right spot of the thickness of your neck. So I went and scoffed a hot chocolate & then a caramel slice (urg, too sweet), and came back up. And, surprise, surprise, you were seemingly awake / much more active. You were moving around – doing flips and extending and contracting your legs and arms, and generally having a good swim. For about 5 minutes, after which time you tried to sleep again. The second ultrasound lady wasn’t as nice, and kept trying to poke you with the ultrasound machine, and I got fed up with her and told her to hurry up and finish. Your dad looked like he wanted to punch her. Anyway, she had managed to get one reading of your neck, which seemed fine, so we were done. After that my bloodtest results came back & the counsellor talked us through the results, and went on our way.

Your dad and I caught the bus home together and recounted to each other what it felt like to see you. He congratulated me on growing an a-ok baby until this point – but really, as I told him, its all you now I think. You should have most of your own organs and what not, so apart from nourishment etc, you’re on your own steam.

Anyway, it was good to see you, you looked relaxed and pretty comfortable down there. There seemed to be lots of room for you to grow bigger, and you seemed to be getting a bit of exercise. BTW perhaps the reason you were sleeping today is ’cause you had a pretty big work-out at frisbee last night (my back certainly knows about it today)?

so, like before, keep at the growing, you’ve got bigger but have a long way to go~

love you
mum

 

nervous December 10, 2008

Filed under: development stages,emotion,healthcare,pregnancy — rakster @ 10:13 am
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Hi Speck,

its your 12 week scan today (11 w 6d is where you are – so pretty on the mark)- the NT-plus test where they work out some probabilities of you having downs sydrome etc.  Its all done by blood test and ultrasound, so I’m excited to see you again, but I think understandably, also a little nervous.  I have read the material about what will happen, and your dad and I have talked about what the outcomes might be and our possible choices based on those outcomes, but it is hard to conceptualise until its really happening – a little more room for emotion and other things to creep in.

I’m also slightly concerned about ultrasounds in general after having a chat to a friend earlier in the week who was worried about them.  I’ve done some reading and there are some studies that make some tentative links between ultrasounds and reduced foetal development (in summary there are some of the opinion that parts of your brain/nerves might not develop as well if you are ultrasounded a lot compared to not at all/just a little).  So I’m also a bit tentative about the whole ultrasounding thing – I might have a chat to the doctor today about this and ask that they just keep it to a minimum – ie what they need to do but minimum time ultrasounding if possible.  Then next time I go to the obs I can have a chat to him about it and get another opinion too.   Trying to keep open-minded about it but also a little cautious – overall I think I believe in minimum intervention where possible, so really, not ultrasounding you unless medically advisable for solid reasons does make good sense.   Hopefully we’ll see you soon enough anyway – and in the flesh!

Otherwise, my exams are weighing on my mind too – but I just want them over and done with.  Sick of trying to study.  Need to do a bunch more but time is running out.  And its really a secondary concern at this point – its just adding to my overall level of stress / nervousness.

So today your dad and I go into the clinic, I give some blood and then half an hour later they come and do the ultrasound and do some measurements, and then I think all of this data gets fed into a central Australian database of other ‘noids results (tests and baby health etc) and then they come up with some kind of probability that you do/don’t have the chromosomal abnormality that causes downs syndrome.  I’m going to Sydney Ultrasound for Women, who have some info on their website about it. I’ve been there before – thats where your first two scans were from. Then I guess we get options for more testing and a counsellor talks to us about the results. Its a pity you can’t talk too and let us know how you’re doing. I’d like to have your opinion.

Love you, will definitely see you later today. Be well!

mum