ok. baby brain is back in a big way Speck.
What are you sucking out of me?
I can’t get it together.
-mum
ok. baby brain is back in a big way Speck.
What are you sucking out of me?
I can’t get it together.
-mum
Hi Speck,
Its Easter friday! Yay for holidays. I’m baking almond and chocolate friands to take to your Grandma K’s for an easter get together. Your dad is doing his usual interfering and telling me my oven is too hot (despite the fact I’ve never seen him cook any cake except cheesecake in his life). He’s just a know-all.
almond chocolate friands
So. Last night was antenatal classes Mark 2. This time with a midwife instead of with a physio. Actually learnt a lot. Which was good – the time went quickly rather than slowly. The class was about introducing us to the three stages of labour, and talking about when we should think about phoning the birthing ward to come to hospital. We had a tour of a birthing suite and watched a few videos of babies being born. Lots of things to think about. I cried watching the videos. I’m still really emotional and I got a bit scared and excited and happy all at the same time. Luckily I was at the back of the room so it was only your dad, the couple beside me and the midwife who noticed tears streaming down my cheeks. Its strange to not have any real idea what is going to happen to you and how you will cope, and not have much control over it all. It could all go smoothly and then we get to choose some things, or it could all go a bit not as expected in which case we relinquish control to a bunch of health-care professionals. I could just lose it and go crazy in the middle of it all. Who knows. Maybe I’ll get to transition stage and just be adamant that I’m going to pack up and go home and pretend there is no baby business happening at all.
Anyway, I’m glad I took a notebook, as everyone had lots of questions and the class was good in that it was relatively unstructured and the midwife was thorough in her answers. I wrote down a bunch of things I wanted to find out more about; things to ask and talk to our obstetrician about (gee, who knew that some of them still want you to get up onto the bed and be prone when you’re actually pushing the baby out in the second stage – I thought things had moved on – maybe not – gee I hope ours lets us do it however feels best for me); things for your dad and I to decide (do you need a vitamin K injection and Hep B as soon as you’re born?); and just general stuff that I thought I’d forget. We walked to the hospital again but it was raining on the way home so we taxied. May have to rethink the walking to the hospital idea just ’cause your dad will be in charge of bringing all the stuff along. But maybe we can still do it just with our birthing bag, and someone can bring the rest later? Mmm.. Anyway, I think the most important things to remember from the class was the phone number of the birth suite and basically if you get any body fluids happening then phone them. Got it. Phone them. Your dad put the number in his phone. Hopefully he can find his phone when the time comes. I might just write the number on the whiteboard too.
When we got home we had a chat about some of the things they talked about at the hospital. I think both of us think that since we’re so close (literally 10 minutes walk) that we don’t have to worry about traffic or anything, so we should be ok to stay at home if everything is going well for quite a while. Yes, the hospital is brand new and the rooms are big and spacious, and pretty nice, but its still a hospital with linoleum floors and unnatural lighting and lots of equipment and not much to look at. I think if we are in first stage of labour for a long time it would be much nicer to be at home if we’re comfortable with that. We can have whoever we like there, we have our own creature comforts, and there is more to do and look at. But, who knows. We may panic in the throws of pain and think its all happening much faster than it is, or be uncomfortable at home, and then just trip on in really early.
Yep, so of course I dreamed about you arriving again last night. This time it was more focussed on your birth. I was on all fours on the ground a lot, near a hand-wash basin for some reason, during a lot of the labour. It was kinda painful but rhythmic. I remember thinking oh, there it goes again and feeling it just going of its own accord. Then I was squatting on the side of a chair and you came out, all slimey and red and with a lot of white vernix all over you. You had blackish hair plastered to your head, but not too much, just some. Your head was squished and a bit oblong. And this time you were a boy and I definitely sighted your genitalia. For some reason when you were born I actually forgot to see if you were a boy or a girl and I remember asking people a few minutes later and they were all surprised I hadn’t worked out or checked that you were a boy already. I remember just being glad that you were out and you were healthy.
This dream went on and on and on. I woke up and one point and I’m pretty sure I told your dad about it then went back to sleep and continued on with the same dream. Until you woke me at 6:30 with some strong stomach pounding.
Going to get non-burnt friands from oven and go for morning tea.
Love you
mum
P.s. Oh yeah, side effect of these iron tablets seem to be even worse gas than I had previously. I read a bit on the web and there are a bunch of women on forums who say this has happened to them too. And some of them say the smell is really bad. I haven’t noticed that yet thankfully, but it means I have to be very careful. I was like a ticking time bomb during the antenatal classes. I didn’t make it out of the room a few times and let loose big loud ones. The tour of the hospital and where to park was a good diversion as we were outside and I could lag behind the group. But sitting still and watching videos as I felt like I might float out of my chair was trying. Your dad was peeing himself with laughter and kept telling me to go to the toilet (again, helpful if you know you need to fart but they come on very quickly and are very large and frequent. So I would be like a yo-you back and forth. My policy is hold them in and then do it all at once in the toilet).
Hello Speck!
Lunch time. You’ve just made your presence felt once again – you seem to get annoyed by the consumption of food – like it impinges on your space so you have to make your displeasure known by giving a few big solid movements around the stomach and lung/rib area. I played a game with you and grabbed your little bottom and foot again. You moved around, so I did it again. It makes me pee myself with laughter. It feels really strange when you’re doing ‘tent pose’ and you move around, and your dad can see it from the outside, and I can see and feel it. You generally like it when I laugh too, and go back to sleep for a bit, so it works out for all of us.
Good news – I don’t have gestational diabetes. My base level was 4.2 and my 2hour level was 6.2, which is ‘excellent’ according to the endocrinologist. I’ve read some more about it, and the accepted cut-off levels in Australia recommended by Ranzcog are fasting >5.5 & 2hr >8.0. So I’m well within. Yay. No carb-cutting diet restrictive practices required. My iron levels however, are low. So I’m going to start iron supplements today. I’ve been tested earlier in the pregnancy for Iron, so I know I’ve been fine most of the time, but I have read that around 28 weeks the level of your growth kicks in again and thus lower iron is common (and apparently this growth-spurt in you can also have links to grumpiness in me – which tallies). Anyway, I was hoping to avoid iron tablets ’cause they have some nasty side-effects, but I guess it has to be done.
P.S. I think we will be making cashew toffee ice cream tonight to celebrate after pregnancy physio exercise classes are done.
Love you
mum
I’m grumpy again. Not sure about these pregnancy hormones. They are good sometimes but gee, when I’m grumpy I’m really grumpy.
Watch out. Better not kick me in the ribs too much today. You never know what might happen.
Hi Speck,
So, your dad doesn’t want me to write about this, because he thinks that it might worry people (who read my letters to you) unnecessarily. I think though, on reflection, that it’s part of being pregnant and I want to tell you about it. And there were some funny moments.
We had planned to get to Dunedin yesterday and catch up with J & J for the afternoon, which, especially as we haven’t seen them at length in a coupla years, we were both looking forward to. Â But it didn’t quite work out that way. We got an extended stay in one of the birthing suites at Dunedin’s hospital, St Mary’s, instead. I wanted to take photos at the time but your dad was pretty stressed out and didn’t want me to, so no pictures for you, just the story.
I had a little bit of bleeding which started on Saturday afternoon. It wasn’t a massive amount, so I wasn’t worried about it, as I’ve read that lots of women get bleeding sometimes during their pregnancies. And I read a forum that people who are due in the same two weeks as me post on, and lots of them have had bleeding episodes, and so I know its pretty common and usually, once you’re past week 12 or so, works out fine.  Since you’re now 21 weeks closer to joining us than when you were first being prepared by my body as a little polyp waiting to burst forth into an egg, I wasn’t too concerned cause you’ve got yourself well settled and my last scan showed that my placenta was anterior and more importantly, high; also, my cervix was shown as fully closed.  Apparently the placenta being low and having bleeding is generally more of a worry.  But, you have a good spot, which is important, and I knew that so wasn’t too worried.
Went to bed on Saturday night and felt fine, so all good. But by Sunday afternoon, after flying from Christchurch to Dunedin and getting to our hotel, I was still bleeding a little and a little bit worried. I was feeling perfectly healthy and hadn’t had any cramping, sickness or other bad signs, but your dad and I just wanted to check, especially as we were planning on heading off on a cycling trip on Monday. We both thought that getting on bikes and heading into the NZ Central Otago region where there aren’t too many doctors was perhaps best done after we got some medical advice.
We thus tramped through Dunedin to the 24hr medical clinic, where we didn’t have to wait long before we were seen by an absolutely lovely and thorough female GP. She took a history and read the little pregnancy history card that I now carry with me everywhere. After a quick external feel of my uterus (which by the way she said was ‘a cute little shape – sticks right out and is very round like you swallowed a ball’), she got the little ultrasoundy/doppler machine going and checked your heartbeat. Which was, as expected, all normal and good.  Again, she explained this was a good sign as you weren’t distressed or worried about what was happening. She then phoned the hospital and had a chat to the obs registrar, who suggested we should come in for a check. Which is how we ended up in a birthing suite at Dunedin’s hospital.
St Mary’s has a number of birthing suites, a few of which were occupied with women, who, from the sounds we could hear, were in various stages of labour.  We were put in one at the end of the ward. A big room decorated in hospital green and more green. With a shower and toilet, a single hospital bed and a couch. The furniture was dwarfed by the size of the room.  Clean but old.  I had a bit of a cry at that point, as that’s when it became pretty real to me that something might be wrong.  I was ok before that, it just hit me for a few minutes. After a quick cry I was feeling better again.  But hungry as we had missed lunch.  Your dad thankfully managed to get to the cafeteria and back before the midwife looking after us made it in. Thankfully because after asking us a few questions she immediately placed us under ‘quarantine’.  Apparently the South island of New Zealand and St Mary’s are the only places on Earth where the superbug MRSA (or something like that) hasn’t yet reached. And as I’ve been admitted to hospital in Australia in the past six months, until proven that I don’t harbour the bug I need to be quarantined… So quarantining meant that the door was shut, no-one allowed to visit (small chance of that anyway), and any medical staff having to be gowned and gloved in disposable plastic stuff before they came in the room. A bit novel. I then had to swab a bunch of my orifices so they could test them for said superbug.  Your dad got quarantined with me.
Again, as there are no photos, you’ll have to picture it. Me and your dad in a big green hospital room. For hours. Waiting for the doctors to be free. Apparently there were some births with complications (twins and other stuff) happening.  We had our books and a yahtzee game, so we passed the time ok.   But the door was closed and we weren’t allowed out.  And there were some interesting noises coming from the other rooms. I use ‘interesting’ in a broad sense.  More like very loud distressing screaming at regular intervals. It kinda freaked me out but I was strangely calm at the same time.  Your dad listened intently, then remarked, “She’s doing it wrong. According to the Janet Balaskas Active Birthing book you’re supposed to work WITH the pain. Not against it.” Ha. On one hand I was pleased – he’s obviously read the book from cover to cover (which is good cause I asked him to and it might help when you come).  On the other hand, if he says anything like that to me when I’m trying to get you out I suspect I will try to deck him.
After a while a nurse came and took some blood to go and test to make sure your blood wasn’t in my blood, or something like that (protein testing); and some other things. I forget. She missed my vein and was really bad at it. But nice in person.  I coped.  I would have passed out from that a few months ago, but the common taking blood thing is starting to make me slightly more used to it. She went away. After a few hours, the intern doctor on rotation came to take my medical history.  She was obviously new, and not an obstetrics person, ’cause she asked some funny things and didn’t know stuff like that you can tell which ovary the baby comes from if you get an early ultrasound (you came from the right).
When the doctor finally arrived, she was a lovely but slightly distracted-seeming woman who had obviously had a long day. The intern was in-tow.  And what followed was what I’d write as a comedy skit about obstetricians if I were to write one. Picture two doctors, both of whom are distracted and keep forgetting they are supposed to be in quarantine.  There were at least 9 changes of gloves for the main doctor as she starts to examine me, then changes to surgical gloves, changes back to non-surgical gloves, thows them, forgets new ones, swears when she remembers, gets new gloves, throws gloves as she thinks she’s finished, then I remind her that she told me she was going to do ‘x’, she recalls, forgets gloves, swears, gets new gloves. Repeat repeat repeat.  Add to the distraction a non-functioning or poorly functioning light. Picture me on bed with legs up and two doctors crawling around on floor trying to peer up my fanny:  Main Doctor: “well, this light is terrible. Can’t see a thing. Can you see anything?”; Intern: “no, can’t see anything”. Etcetera.  I felt like I was in a Fawlty Towers episode: “Visit to the doctor”. Me trying to breathe cause it was a bit painful, but at the same time almost having an out of body experience when I can see how comical the situation is if it weren’t so serious. Your dad alternately trying to comfort me and not be alarmed at the circus going on at the bottom of the bed.
After a lot of gloves, a lot of discussion and lots of feeling around, we determined that we had no idea where the blood was coming from but there didn’t seem to be too much. We had a look at you on the ultrasound and you looked happy and good, and again your heartbeat was fine, as was my bloodpressure etc. And my cervix was still sealed.  Did a little test which looked a bit like a litmus test on a long cottonbud which indicated that there was no amniotic fluid leaking out. A good thing, cause the doctor explained that the hospital had a policy of non-intervention if you decided to come along early before the week 24 mark.  Which didn’t give you much of a chance if that was what was happening. So amniotic fluid would have been bad. But there wasn’t any.  And the blood was slowing.
Didn’t ever find out if I had the superbug as those tests didn’t come back before I was finally discharged.  Doctor said all was good, just probably a bit of random bleeding, which is pretty common.  She said that the bike riding wouldn’t affect it or worsen it at all, but of course if anything happened to come back into the hospital if needed. And whatever they did seemed to make it stop.
So, your and my first birthing suite experience. Hopefully no more until you actually join us. Though we could make like a general tour of hospitals around Australia and NZ and do a comparative review….
love you. we’re glad you’re ok.
mum
Good morning Speccie!
You have got bigger and stronger for sure! Last night I felt SOLID big kicks/movements for the first time. It was after watching the tennis, I went to bed and couldn’t sleep, so lay there and felt you moving around for a bit. You really felt like you were wriggling around a lot. I’ve read that you are more likely to be active at night as my walking about and moving rocks you to sleep during the day.
So, with my hands on my stomach, I laid there and practiced my yoga breathing and pelvic floor strengthening exercises (the fear of you tearing when you come out outweighs the laziness and I’m doing them every day). Anyway, that seemed to stimulate you even more, and you went a little bit “Hi, I’m here, stop that and give me some attention. No?? Well, I’ll just kick/punch you as hard as I can repeatedly!” Or maybe, to be more <mindblank word has disappeared. baby brain. Insert appropriate word here>, you were perhaps just testing newfound strength in your little body and saying hello as best you know how.
I lay there for a bit longer and decided that not only could I feel you from the inside, but my hands could definitely feel you too. So I woke your slumbering dad up (he is a bit used to it ’cause i do it relatively frequently when he has just fallen asleep in 3 seconds – or less – and I lie there for hours); and after listening to him grump a bit, got him to put his hand on my belly and push gently down near my bladder. And you obliged and remained practising the kicks/frisbee-throwing action. At first it was a bit softer, so I waited and then said out loud when you did a big one. He didn’t feel it, but about half a second later you did an almightly HUGE GINORMOUS big one and he withdrew his hand in shock and disbelief. I think he liked it but was actually a bit scared, or shocked at how strongly he felt it. Your dad then immediately went back to sleep after assuring me he felt you too. So there. You have made bodily contact with your dad and me now. Good one.
This morning you are at it again. Maybe you are hungry and letting me know. I will go find some yoghurt & fruit to satisfy my and your hunger.
love you.
mum
p.s. we get to see you today for our check-up scan. I hope all your bits are there and in the right spot. I was worried about it last night so your kicking/punching was very well-timed ’cause it really helped put me at ease. You really must have been doing a big aerobic workout so all your heart chambers etc must be fine, surely. Anyway, we’ll see today. Hope the noise & intrusion doesn’t bother you too much.
xxx M
Hi Speck,
I am grumpy and emotional today. Your dad is really annoying and has yelled at me and made me cry. And I told him I hated him. Which I don’t. But I was upset at the time. Anyway. Hopefully it will abate by tomorrow. If its not all your dad’s fault it must be all your fault. Not mine at all. (kidding).
Otherwise. It has been very busy here over the past few days. Your Aunt 3 arrived on Thursday night and has been staying, and then Aunt 2 & D arrived for a night on Friday, and your dad came home too. So there was a full house and we had a big breakfast all together in the garden yesterday morning before I headed off to yoga again and Aunt 2 & D went on their way. They took away the little green car that your Dad and I bought when we were both at university and had been going out for just over a year. It was a bit of a funny feeling to see it go. Your dad lived at the Gold Coast and I lived in Brisbane when we first met, so we were forever catching the train and bus to each-others houses for the weekend and during the week, and borrowing cars whenever we could. But it was a lot of travelling, so we looked forward to getting a car together. Your Grandad lent us the money and we bought the little green car after a month or so of research. It had been owned by an old lady and not driven much, and was in pretty good condition. Anyway, 7 years, lots of camping, shopping, holidaying and general driving around later, it got retired a few months ago when we got a new second-hand car. Not in your honour, we’d planned to anyway, but the new car has air-con (essential in Brisbane with a kid) and is bigger and has 5 doors so easier to get you in and out of. So not sad to lose the old green car, but a little nostalgic. We gave it to your Aunt 2 & Aunt 3 for Christmas. Hopefully your Aunt 3 will get her licence so she too can drive it. ‘Cause we don’t actually drive all that much, we tend to bike and walk quite a bit and bus and train and what not, although its pretty old now it doesn’t have many kms on it, so they might get some good use out of it. See, I am somewhat emotional for some reason.
Yoga makes me feel a bit better – its been really nice this week to finally be able to get off my bum and do some exercise after being chair-bound for the past few weeks with my ankle. Its making me feel more like a human and less like a lump that is incubating an alien and getting fatter by the day. Its a strange feeling to be getting big – exciting cause I’m growing with you, but scary at the same time as I need to start thinking about the fact that while the fact that you’re getting bigger is good, the bigger you get the harder it is going to be to get you out. I have started reading the Janet Balaskas New Active Birth book more earnestly than my previous cursory glances. And have found a few places in Brisbane that offer Active Birthing classes for me, you and your dad to go to before you’re due to come out. So we can practice and learn more about it. I think we’ll book in for some soon. Your dad is keen too.
your home – week 19
Yesterday was pretty active. Yoga, then me, your Dad, Aunt 3 and Deano went snorkelling at Gordon’s bay. Your Aunt was very excited to see some Groper as long as her arm. It was pretty cold in the water though, apparently there was a north easterly swell which brings cold water from somewhere. A bit brisk. But beautiful – blue and aqua-green and a lovely day at the beach. We then went for lunch & GOOD icecream at Pompeii’s in Bondi Beach. Mmm. I definitely need a new icecream maker though. Mine just isn’t working as it should. Not freezing properly anymore.
Cokemeister came for dinner and your dad made lovely moroccan fish with a rub he made and some hommus and a fennel and cabbage salad. Yum. And a berry (strawberry, raspberry and blueberry), biscotti and hot chocolate sauce thing for dessert. Very replete.
Hope you’re well and not picking-up my grumpy vibes.
love you
mum
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