my-speck

i'm pregnant and it's going to be a rollercoaster

… and I continue to eat. This time to console myself. And you. January 18, 2009

Filed under: cooking,eating,exercise,pregnancy — rakster @ 2:14 pm
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Heya Speck,

Feeling a bit shit today.  Ooops, bad mum.  Your dad keeps harping on at me about how I’m not going to be able to swear with a baby / child.  I guess I should make an effort.  Anyway.  I feel a bit crappy today.  The whole, “I sprained my ankle” thing has turned into “I may need surgery on my ankle to be able to use it properly again” after a visit to the physio.  Damn damn damn. And I am annoyed that the first physio I went to the other day immediately after straining the ankle was so crap.   She had no idea, and just taped it up.   I knew she was crap, that’s why I booked back in for my normal physio on Saturday.  I figured at the time that really too much treatment close to a sprain is not really helpful anyway, so I’d just rest and then get better treatment on Saturday.  But unfortunately yesterday he basically said there wasn’t much he could do and I need to go and see an orthopaedic surgeon for an opinion.  And no walking, cycling, yoga, swimming blah blah blah in the meantime.  Yeah, I know I should keep positive until I get that opinion.  Which is what I did yesterday.  I just can’t do it today.

Coupled with the fact that all the pairs of shorts I tried on this morning didn’t fit, and it wasn’t so much the belly only being the problem as the ass and legs as well, I got a bit, “I’m going to turn into a big fat pregnant blimp and I can’t even go for a walk!  I feel horrible!”.  Kinda whiney.  It didn’t help that I spent the whole morning lying down re-reading a book (a good one – The Namesake by Jhumpa Lahiri): reading for too long puts me in a bit of a funk too.  And then when I’m done reading not being able to really walk around all that much to enjoy the gorgeous day just pees me off even more.  I’m putting it down to you as well.  Have been feeling really good but I guess with exaggerated highs come exaggerated lows.  And for the first time I’ve let worry really panic me a bit.  I haven’t felt you moving for a day or two and I’m worried about you.  Its silly, because no matter what there is nothing that can be done, but it would be nice if you could just give me a few good strong kicks.  Try the kidneys.  Yes, slightly masochistic too.   Today is a bit low.

So again, it is with food that I console myself or attempt to focus on positives and fun things.  A friend was asking me the other day if I have been craving anything, or if I have really noticed wanting milk ’cause apparently babies growing in bellies need a lot of calcium.  Apparently, you will suck it out of my bones if you don’t get enough in my diet (You really are a fully-blown parasite, huh?   Trying to kill me with osteoporosis before you’re even born).   Funnily, I didn’t think I had been craving dairy – I do eat yoghurt for breakfast with fruit most days, and lotsa cheese.  But then when talking to her I realised that I have been having a few hot chocolates at work throughout the week, and have even had a few milkshakes too, just ’cause I felt like it.  I usually really don’t like milk.   Once a year I might get a craving for a milkshake.  Usually strawberry.  Your dad groans and tells me that I don’t need one.  I insist for the next hour.  He gives in.   We sit down and I get through about half.   Then I give it to your dad to finish as I feel so full I couldn’t possibly drink another sip, even though it tastes good and refreshing.   Then I start to feel ill.   I keep the ill feeling to myself for about half-an-hour until it gets kinda bad, then I usually let out a big, “I feel sick, I need to lie down” groan.  Your dad says, “I told you so, you shouldn’t have had that milkshake”.  I think, “But I enjoyed drinking it”, but keep that to myself to elicit maximum sympathy.  There is none forthcoming from your dad.  He’s not good on sympathy when you’ve ignored his advice (heed the warning).

Anyway, I have noticed dairy related desires.  I won’t put them down as cravings, more as desires.  So yesterday for some reason I really felt like eating that greek-style rice custard that you can buy at the markets in West End and a few other random places.   So after dragging myself around the house feeling sorry for myself, I’ve managed to cheer myself a little but cooking it.  Pretty good first effort too (if I do say so myself).  I’d tweak it next time to make it milkier and less rich, but it tastes good.  Ryzogalo is apparently the name.  Have eaten a large bowlful and now feeling slightly less morose.

ryzogalo - yum.

your dad eating ryzogalo

your dad eating ryzogalo

Hope you’re well.  Kick me would you. please.

mum

 

Week 17: 13cm and you wee a lot! January 16, 2009

Filed under: development stages,exercise,pregnancy — rakster @ 11:33 am
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Hi Speck,

So, Happy Week 17! You are apparently 13 cm long this week, 150 grams and you wee every 45 minutes. And then you drink it when you take big gulps of amniotic fluid. Gross. No wonder kids (and I guess adults alike) love peeing in the bath. It must remind them somehow of the months they spent doing the same in their own little growth-in-utero phase.

I haven’t felt you moving around too much over the past few days, but that could be because I have had to keep my feet up and not do too much – sprained an ankle at frisbee on Tuesday night. I’m blaming it on you – well, on the extra weight I’m carrying around that just put a bit too much strain on an ankle trying to turn quickly and stepping in a hole at the same time. I think, unfortunately, that as there are only a few weeks left in the season, that will be it for me. I might head along for the finals to eat pizza and chat with people but otherwise not much chance of more playing until after you’re born. I think my team were a bit worried that I was overdoing it anyway, so are kinda happy that I wrote myself out.

its worse than it looks. I'm a limping wounded person.

its worse than it looks. I’m a limping wounded person.

my strapped ankle

my strapped ankle

Its also been boiling hot – almost 40 degrees for the past few days.  So moving greatly even without an injured ankle is a large effort.  I’m looking forward to a beach trip tomorrow to cool off.

Hope you’re well, thinking of you. Don’t ingest too much pee!

love mum

 

Happy 16 weeks! 4 months. OMG its going so fast! Yoga, cookie / biscuit cravings and more. January 9, 2009

Filed under: baby's feelings,birthing,development stages,eating,exercise,pregnancy — rakster @ 12:17 pm
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Hello Speck!

I am feeling horrendous again today.  I think it was the wheatbran I had on my yoghurt for breakfast.  It just gave me a stomach full of gas.  I’m resembling a human drum again.  Unbelievably painful. Erk.

Enough of me.  What of you???  Well, yesterday you were 16 weeks way through your uterus-living phase.  4 months! OMG.  Only 4 weeks to go and we are at 20 weeks which is halfway!  That is crazy.  It seems to be slipping by very quickly now.   According to Kaz this week you are 11.5 cm long. And even more shocking, when I just opened a packet of gas-ease type of things I got in a baby sample bag from the hospital yesterday there was a bit of ruler/paper thing that opened out to show how big you would get each week and it says you’re going to get to 52 cm long when you’re born. That is just horrendous. How the hell do you fit inside my stomach if you’re that big???  It just doesn’t make sense. I’m only 162cm tall, so I just don’t see, even if you are curled-up in foetal position, ball-like, how 52cm of you can possibly fit in any space inside my stomach. Even if my body was different to all other humans and let you start to fill the big chunky spaces in the tops of my thighs. Well, maybe then, if one of your legs went down each of my legs… Enough of that though, that is impossible. You’re just going to have to limit your growth to a more reasonable size. Think of small and round and healthy and happy rather than long and lanky. I am going to look like a beach ball though, aren’t I? No matter what happens.

Apart from your size, this week you are supposed to be growing toenails. Toenails huh? Hopefully you’ll get your dad’s type of toenails and not mine. Mine are misshapen and not suited to women’s shoes at all. Your dad’s are much neater, standard and consistently sized. You should also be getting lanugo (downy hair) starting to grow all over your body. I trust this is happening. Most alien movies I’ve seen the babies and aliens don’t have much body hair, so I guess that if you get this hair I might start to think of you less as an alien and more like a person. Good luck with that too.

I had a big baby day yesterday, in and around working. Your dad and I toured the maternity ward of the hospital here in Sydney that you’re booked into. Hopefully we won’t be using it unless you come early, but best to have an option in case that does happen. Your dad got really excited and looked extremely happy (read grin from ear to ear) whenever we walked past dads holding tiny little bundles walking around the ward. In fact, we didn’t see any new mums, just 5 or so new dads with tiny bundles. I got a bit scared looking at all the medical equipment. The rooms / birthing suites were nice and big with lots of room, but were still pretty boring. Your dad and I agreed that even though there is a spa bath in them, it would be better to hang out at home for as long as possible cause the idea of being in a green room with low ceilings, fluoro lights and lots of medical bits and pieces for hours and hours, even if there is an exercise ball and bean bag, wasn’t that appealing. We might not have that choice depending on what happens, but home sounds more comfy. It was a pretty chilled-out feeling place though compared to other wards I’ve been to in the hospital. All in all, ok.

Next baby thing was that unfortunately we missed out on the ballot for the Natural Birthing centre spot at the RWBH. I think I mentioned that we entered in it before. Anyway, that means that we have to have the baby somewhere else. Which makes the decision we were going to have to consider about private vs public for us. And means that we’re planning to have you at the Mater in Brisvegas, where all your aunts and uncles on my side of the family were born (apart from aunt 2 who was at home). And where I was born. And its close to our house in Brisvegas, so even if there is a traffic jam I think we could walk there if you were on your way. Your dad and I are happy with this – we entered the birthing centre draw so that we had an option or two to consider, but it will work out this way too.

Speaking of jam, I started getting cravings for Jam Drops again yesterday. I notice your numpty grandmother has posted a recipe for me in the comments from last post to you, but its the wrong one. Who makes jam drops with a madeira recipe? I think I can make up the one I made before, so I might just have to do that. It was basically flour, butter, sugar and milk and jam. I’ll give it a go. Strange thing to crave, but there it is. Thanks anyway grandmother. I might try those another time but I’m really after the same thing as last time. Speck you like them, I can tell, otherwise you wouldn’t be making me have cravings.

I didn’t feel you last night / this morning, but pretty sure you got very active during and after yesterday’s very strenuous yoga workout.  First organised antenatal yoga class.  It was quite good – though I think you and I would have struggled had I not gone to yoga classes before and understood a lot of the poses from previous yoga experiences. There were only two other women in the class and they were both 16 weeks and in their first class too. I found myself perhaps not so discretely checking out (read: trying hard not to openly stare at all opportunities) their baby bumps. Mine was I think the least noticeable, though I don’t think the smallest. One of the women was tiny tiny, so her bump, while small, really stood out.

Pregnant Yoga Take One: to me, it felt really different being pregnant and doing some of the poses. I could really tell my centre of gravity was different with you down there. And I was really aware that there was a section of my abdomen area that didn’t stretch or respond to some of the poses in the way it used to. And some bits that are normally really flexible and fine were a little tender (like the groin area, though that could have been from all the cycling and frisbee but it was so pronounced I reckon it is shifting stuff around that area). Another thing I noticed was how sore my feet got afterwards. I really worked out the arches. Could be just ’cause I haven’t done it in so long, but I suspect the additional kgs I’m having to support makes a difference too. It felt really good though. I liked being aware of you down there. My breathing when doing it really moves up and down the spine a bit more and pushes out the abdomen to an exaggerated extent from normal. I guess it will get much harder to breathe as you get bigger. The instructor said that when you’re much bigger you’ll most likely join in on some of the poses and do some kicking and moving of your own, and that if you move around too much or head to one side of the uterus then my balance will be off and it will be hard to hold some of the poses. I look foward to that. Your grandmother was in charge of finding me somewhere local to go in Brisbane from April onwards. Hope she remembered.

Anyway, must run, stuff to do. Thinking of you down there with your toenails and hair.

love mum

 

exercising … and thinking about buying baby stuff (though just a little bit – I’m not obsessed yet – really, truly) January 7, 2009

Filed under: baby stuff,exercise,pregnancy — rakster @ 12:33 pm
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Good morning Speck,

How are you today? Hopefully not too shaken up from the frisbee work-out last night?? I’m a little bit tender in some slightly unusual places, but otherwise feeling pretty good.  Did I mention that I bought a heart-rate monitor so that I can monitor how I’m going with the exercise and not exceed the doctor’s recommendations??  Well, I did.  And I’ve used it a bit on my bike (which is now as you know set-up with the stationary bike trainer in the lounge room – it rocks), where at first I found it impossible to stay in the target range of around 140 bpm but have since worked out you can only just peddle a little with low resistance (so I’m aiming for longer at less intensity).   But was hard to use at frisbee because really I€™m reacting to what is happening on the field, and its not necessarily easy to focus on what my heart rate is doing.

Last night:  total workout time 1 hour 45 minutes with an average heart rate of 162.  I think that is a little high, I saw the monitor peak at about 184 a few times, but I really don’t know how you can exercise without getting your heart rate up.  And my resting heart rate hovers around 92 upwards to 100 anyway.  I figure that as long as I feel ok myself, and don’t push it too hard, you should be all ok.  If you’re not getting enough blood or whatever, then I’m sure I’ll be feeling pretty crappy too.  And I felt fine.   So.  Hope you enjoyed it.  My back is surprisingly fine this morning.  Last time I went it was a bit achey the next day.  I am famished today though.  I have just eaten a huge serve of spanakopita for breakfast but still need something else.  Forgot to chuck more fruit in my bag for work this morning.  I brought a bunch with me yesterday but seem to have eaten it all already.

What else is happening?  Well, since I went last to visit B & M at Bellingen/Repton, I’ve been doing some more investigation on the type and make of pram I think we’ll be after.  Not that I’m obsessed with buying baby stuff – in fact I would almost say the opposite – no big urges to go out and get stuff for you yet, but I am starting to think about it with some encouragement.  In the pram department, Mountain Buggy is looking like a winner at this stage – your dad was convinced from the get-go, especially seeing how well it handled with a fully grown adult in it at B & M’s house!  I’ve used one over rough ground with M at the markets, and it was easy to steer with one hand over gravel, and we both are pretty active, so it sounds like a go.  Went and looked at them at DJs the other day, and compared to a few others, and we both liked the Mountain Buggy the best.  I went shopping last friday in town and stared intently at all the prams going by, and watched how easy they were to use, what the people using them had draped over them to keep stuff on, whether they had storage, whether they fit on the escalators, and all that stuff.  I chatted to a few people while trying on shoes and the like to get their opinions.  All good stuff.

urbanelite_blue

At frisbee last night out of the 5 girls on my team who were there, three of the other 4 apart from me have little babies, and all of them have mountain buggies and couldn€™t speak more highly of them.  I think that such volume of positive accolades is a winner.  Now your dad and I just need to decide whether we need some of the accessories like the bassinet etc.  Again, everyone I€™ve spoken to about it who has had it says that while its kinda expensive especially as you€™ll only use it for a little while, it was really fantastic when they had it.  So we€™ll see.  And I think as we€™re going to New Zealand for a wedding soon, we might be able to pick it up a little cheaper, and I think they sell some attachments there that you can€™t get in Australia, like the car seat clip thingy that allows you to attach some brands of baby seats straight from the car into the pram bit.  Might be kinda handy.

singlecarrycot_blue

So.  As you can see whilst I don€™t obsess about baby goods and the like, get me started on a path and I can become quite excited and interested and no-doubt bore those around me to tears on the subject.  I€™ll have to keep that to a minimum if you€™re to have a sane mother with rational, normal friends and family (read €“ non-baby obsessed and living in the real world) to help her through the first bit of when you come along.  Otherwise they all might run screaming very quickly.

Anyway, hope you€™re well.  It€™s a little cooler today (hopefully) so maybe it will be a bit more comfortable for you down there.

Love mum

 

Back in Sydney – and back into exercise December 31, 2008

Filed under: birthing,exercise,pregnancy — rakster @ 11:15 am
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Hello Little Munchkin Speccie,

I am feeling particularly well today!  Slept well – we are in our own very comfortable bed in Sydney again.   I woke up and felt you having a ‘flutter’ this morning while I attempted to sleep in (but was thwarted by your Dad’s phone ringing.. aagh); then had a relaxed morning of reading my pregnancy books (I left them at home while we were away) for you week 14 and week 15 (’cause that is tomorrow).  Your dad came and did some reading of them with me.  His comments weren’t particularly helpful – like ‘your gums might start bleeding – you’d better floss better every day’ and ‘oooh – vaginal discharge – yuk…  Have you got that yet???… Phew it stinks in this bed’.  In his normal charming manner.   But apart from that, and feeling like a beached whale, I was happy.

And I’m ready to face the new year and going back to work and what not with you in the picture.  I’m not going to study this semester, so hopefully your dad and I will have some time to do some fun stuff together before you come along, and really enjoy living in Sydney over the latter half of summer.  Your dad set my bike up in the living room for me last night so I can get back into pedalling (safely without any cars around) whenever I like from now on – which is exciting.  bike

This morning we also started some pregnancy yoga exercises from Janet Balaskas’ “New Active Birth”…  And they were good!  Your dad read them out aloud and did some with me while I gently tried to stretch different parts of my back, abdomen, legs etc.  All in order to make this whole pregnancy thing more comfortable for me, and to try to make sure you slip out easily when the time comes.  They weren’t particularly crazy – just like regular yoga but concentrating on the pelvis quite a bit.  All in all I felt really good afterwards – after being in the car driving for the past few days things had got a little stiff and the release of the stretches helped.  Hopefully we’ll be able to make time over the next few weeks to work our way through all of the exercises in the book then I can do them on my own each day before work or something like that.  Hope you enjoyed them too?

I gave you a little massage afterwards.  Apparently you can perhaps feel my massaging at this point.  You’re almost 8.5 cm long, which seems big when I look at the size of my stomach.  Yes, its got more solid and bigger, but its not huge.  I just look a bit fat really, unless you know I’m pregnant.  I do feel beached whale-like, but since we’re back home I’m going back to healthier eating and exercising etc…

Must run – off to get ready to go camping tonight for New Years Eve.  We’re off to Cockatoo Island in the middle of the Sydney Harbour where some friends have booked a campsite and we will watch the fireworks herald the new year.

Love you

mum

 

First swim November 9, 2008

Filed under: exercise,pregnancy — rakster @ 1:23 pm
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Heya Speck,

first swim for you today. We went to Coogee this morning for a dip cause the weather was beautiful. The beach was full of thousands of surf lifesavers, but it was still fun – had a bit of a swim, the water was cool but not freezing, and we floated out on the waves for a while. I was feeling pretty crappy last night: sick, tired and just erk, so it was fantastic today. The water was a nice clear blue green colour and it just felt good.

Hope you enjoyed it!

love mum

ps your grandad just rang and he says that you have much less than a 1/4 chance of falling out, its more like 16%. He quoted statistics at me to make me feel less worried, i think. So good for him, and good news for you !

 

Exercising and checking up on you. November 5, 2008

Filed under: exercise,healthcare,pregnancy — rakster @ 11:10 am
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Did I mention last week that you played your first two ultimate games?  Well, you did.  Last week we went down in both games, and last night you played your third and fourth and we went down again.  You’d better not be an unlucky talisman: though to be honest I think it was more to do with the team as a whole than any influence you had.

You also had your first bicycle commute to and from work on Monday this week.  And my legs are feeling it today.  Go 9 weeks without riding and then try it again, and it hurts a bit.  I even went in granny gear almost the whole way and got overtaken by every man and his dog.  Sore legs despite all that.  I’m hoping to keep riding with you for a long time though I’ve read that my balance might start to go a bit funny at some stage and then it will be harder and potentially not as safe to ride.  We’ll see how I go.

So! Big day today for you.  Its the second time we are going to try and have a look at you and see if you’re growing well & all of those things.  I’m taking ten minutes out from work to write to you, cause I’m feeling slightly distracted / worried / excited / nervous and happy/unhappy all at the same time.  Its at 4pm today, so I’ll have to hold out a number of hours more.  Lets hope its all good for you and you’ve got bigger, developed a heartbeat and look a bit more like a tadpole than just the indiscriminate blob you looked like last time.  No offence – I’m sure you were beautiful for your stage of development, but I’m not quite reconciled to whether babies are cute really at all, so going for a cute blob is definitely pushing the boundaries.  Don’t develop a complex over it, its not worth it.  You’ll change 🙂

So, see you later this afternoon, don’t take offence at the intrusion into your world – we’re just checking up on you.

love you specky

-mum

 

you are there! October 28, 2008

Filed under: exercise,healthcare,pregnancy — rakster @ 11:02 pm
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Hi Speck!

Howzit?  Popped out from work today to the doctors to get a bloodtest following our appointment yesterday, and the doctor called just after 5 to say that apparently my body is trying pretty hard to make you comfortable and my hcg levels have risen from 526 two weeks ago to 36 000 today.  Which is a good thing.  I still need to go in and have a dating and viability scan with you, which is next Wednesday, but in the meantime its nice to know that my body is madly producing hormones to try to make you happy down there.  So suck them in and grow, got it?

What else? Well, you got your first big workout tonight too.  First night of frisbee summer season – you’re playing in Div 2 & Div 3 with me – so it was a pretty long & tiring but good run for the evening.  We went down in our first game 18-9 and down in our second by one point.  Really I didn’t notice you at all (which is not really surprising given how big you are), but I did notice the tyre-like fleshy protruberence around my belly which seems to mysteriously have grown since I stopped exercising nine weeks ago.  So that’s it – from later this week we are back on the exercise wagon.  The doctor said its pretty much impossible to shake you out, so short of getting hit by a car, biking to and from work is back on the agenda.

Its late, I’m very tired, and the naseous feeling I was having on the car ride home has now abated after eating toasted parmesan, tomato and chive sandwiches. So sleep well!

love mum

ps your dad says “you better love your mum you little shit”.  How sweet.

 

Work October 20, 2008

Filed under: exercise,pregnancy — rakster @ 8:44 am
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Dear Speck,

Hi, work today (I’m on lunch – and yes, I’m eating healthily – a hommus & salad sandwich).  Maybe I’m just overtired, but I am finding it more difficult than normal to concentrate & focus on what I need to do while I’m here today.  I’m pretty worried about what we’ll see when we try to take a look at you on Wednesday.  Are you in the right spot?  Have you got a head and a tail?  What will they actually see?

I caught the bus and train to work today.  I was originally planning on riding my bike again from this week (7 weeks after the operation) but all the things I’ve read on the internet and in books about exercise and what I’m allowed to do with you aren’t 100% clear.  Apparently if I overheat for a long time this can be really bad for you, so I should limit myself to moderate exercise.  Generally my daily commute over the Anzac and the Sydney Harbour Bridge takes a good 45 minutes each way and is a hard slog.  There are a lot of hills.  So I want to see how you are doing on Wednesday, then talk to the doctor about whether taking you on this daily journey is going to be ok.  Hopefully it will be ok at least for a little while longer – I enjoy my daily ride.  I’ve got an appointment with the GP on Monday.  So, for the rest of this week I think I’ll walk home from the city to get some exercise.

Funny I was talking to your Dad yesterday about cycling, and he was surprised when I suggested it might be difficult for me to ride because my centre of balance will change.  I guess he forgot that you are going to grow into a large round thing that protrudes from my mid-section.  He’s really keen for you to come and join us but I suspect he severley underestimates the impact you’re going to have on our lives.  A welcome impact, I should clarify, but I think it is going to be SO much bigger than he thinks.  I suspect this cause he’s not always that understanding of other people & the way they deal with their children – sometimes he’s a little quick to judge or say, “we won’t do that”, when I think you can’t know the whole story & also what is happening for them.  Perhaps thats just me being paranoid & judging him as a stereotypical boy.  But I think that its just different.  And maybe I’m being a bit oversensitive & over-the-top.  Anyway, you’ll love him, he’s a great person & he’ll be an amazing dad.   I’m a bit worried about you but you shouldn’t be.  If you do come out with 4 legs and 3 arms – your Dad will come up with a special game just for you – I’m sure of it!

So.  Lunch break over.  Going to go and do some real work…

love you!
mum

ps.  my stomach was sore last night, I think it was your fault – please desist from whatever it was that you were doing.  It felt like you were trying to climb out of my belly button. I did sleep better overall though so perhaps you’ll be better rested too and therefore gentler tonight.