my-speck

i'm pregnant and it's going to be a rollercoaster

Dreaming of Speck December 27, 2008

Filed under: dreams,pregnancy — rakster @ 10:15 am
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Hi Speck,

I’ve been dreaming a lot recently. Apparently it is a relatively common thing. It disrupts my sleep to some extent – they tend to be big, all engaging dreams from which I find it hard to wake. Mostly they aren’t about you specifically – like your Dad, I & Grandma K went to Greece the night before last; and the night before that was a nightmare sequence with some friends from high school.  But last night it was about you.

Last night you had already been born, but only just. You were just a little thing – a bit bigger than my hand, with minature nappies and clothes to wear. You were quite content to suckle on my colostrum (which appeared right away I put you up to my boob) and you seemed to enjoy it. You were perfectly behaved and didn’t cry at all, just made little grunty noises if you nappy was too wet or something like that. I had trouble remembering to bring enough nappies for you – I remember thinking at some point “why am I using disposable?” and then looking at you and thinking “oh my, its so small I don’t think the cloth ones would work”. You weren’t a boy or a girl that I recall. You had really strong muscles in your back after a few days and I was very surprised that you wanted to sit up by yourself.

That was about it – me and your dad with a minature baby that wet its nappy a lot but overall was rather content, going from place to place in our old green car (for some reason I remember the going between places and changing your nappy in the boot rather than where we went or what you did).

Weird!

I wonder if you dream down there?

love you

mum

 

A Specky Christmas December 25, 2008

Filed under: eating,family,pregnancy — rakster @ 6:49 pm
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Dear Speck,

Well, you certainly made yourself known today. Felt like vomiting for a few hours this morning and again a little queasy this afternoon (though that could be closely related to the amount of dark chocolate covered macadamias I gorged myself on).

All in all it’s been a very busy Christmas, and we are still off for another dinner in half an hour. Fun though – have seen everybody in one day – which is a feat in itself. It’s been pretty warm, so a swim in the pool was necessary, which made me feel a little better.

Sorry about all the sugar: promise to eat better next week!

Love mum

 

Brisvegas Adventures – Christmas is coming! December 24, 2008

Filed under: eating,pregnancy — rakster @ 8:53 am
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Hi Speck,

How you doing? I feel that you’re doing pretty well. Since we got to Brisbane I’ve been eating a diet consisting predominately of chocolate and snacks (including fruit), so sorry but I’m sure you’ll have to go through a sugar withdrawal in a week or so, but that’s just what happens at Christmas time! Get used to it.

We made it here and have been very busy running around trying to get Christmas things done and see some friends and family etc. Your Grandma & two Aunts saw ‘the bump’ for the first time yesterday. Its really not all that big yet, but the fact that I can’t suck my stomach in at all is kinda funny. They all had a feel – down below my belly button the pubis area is very solid and hard, where it used to be soft and springy. Everyone is very excited.

Yesterday we went to your Grandma’s to get ready for Christmas and while your dad cooked Hommus, Babaganoush and Titziki, I cooked Anzac Biscuits and Jam Drops. Had a strong memory of my Grandma over the past few days, and she used to bake great date cakes and always had baked biscuits in the cupboard, so I thought I’d cook some for Christmas. It was fun and they all worked out well – I made Rasberry Jam drops with the Rasberry Jam that I bought at the Bellingen markets that appears to just be pure Rasberries. Yum.

This morning I’m off to go for a bike ride and take Luke & Freya to the pool – Luke has been keen to hang out since we got back. He starts school this year (which I find hard to believe – time flies). You’ll meet them. We told them about you the other day too and they were a bit perplexed (where is the baby, your tummy is small); but then seemed very interested when we explained that you were only about 7cm long at the moment but would grow a lot bigger before you came out to say hello. Luke in particular was very interested in your Ultrasound pictures – and liked the fact that I call you an alien – I think he now has some idea that some kind of alien will emerge from my stomach some time next year.

Must run – we have to get going early before the sun gets too hot. Enjoy the swim too!

love mum

 

Last day of our driving holiday December 21, 2008

Filed under: family,pregnancy — rakster @ 8:39 am
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Hi Speck,

Hope you’re well, I’m ok though had a major case of the tireds again yesterday and felt pretty erk all afternoon. Could have been cause we went through Bellingen on our way up the coast and had a rather late but lovely night at B&M’s house; or it may just have been that you were doing a lot of growing and using up all my energy. My tummy has been getting some strange painful twinges and what not recently – hard to tell if it’s you kicking or just my body rearranging itself to make room for the space you’re taking up.

Btw your dad has just come back from breakfast and he says “hello, I hope you’re enjoying your fruit and yoghurt”. He doesn’t like referring to you as “it” so he is alternating – this week you are “she”, last week you were “he”. Hopefully any gender issues you may develop won’t stem from this!

Otherwise looking forward to a last ocean swim today before we get to Brisbane and the craziness that I’m sure Christmas will bring. Tomorrow we also meet your Brisbane doctor for the first time, so hopefully that will go well too.

Love you, enjoy the swim

Mum

 

Fluttering and getting more solid around the waist December 19, 2008

Filed under: development stages,emotion,pregnancy — rakster @ 7:31 am
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Hi Speck!

Long time no write. I’m still making my way up the coast to Brisbane with your dad and grandparents, so it’s a bit harder to write – I’m on my iphone (which reminds me, I’ve been meaning to do an ‘historical’ post about the things that have been newsworthy and just synonymous with this year – time capsule like, but that can come later when I have a proper keyboard available).

Anyway, this morning I’m lying in a bed with a view straight out over the pacific ocean at Scott’s Head, and I can hear the waves breaking below. It’s pretty gorgeous. Your dad got out of bed before the sun came up, and I assume is off fishing somewhere down on one of the beaches (just so you know he never seems to catch much but derives hours of pleasure from just standing there doing it, which is great for him!). I stayed here in bed and slept in a bit longer as I slept badly again last night.

In addition to having to pee at least 5 times during the night ’cause your house is squishing my bladder, I had strange and disturbing dreams yet again. I’ve been having them for a while but they were a bit more sporadic previously, now they tend to be most nights and they are keeping me awake! I can’t recall last nights one now, but the one before that involved me swimming in a waterhole somewhere in the bush. There were two very large platypii (is that the plural??) that were on the edge near some rotting logs who came in while I was swimming and swam around too. Your dad was there too but I couldn’t see him, just hear his voice. That’s all I remember, apart from a feeling that the platypii were listening too and really wanted to swim with us.

No idea what that was all about but I felt happy when I woke up, and went down to the beach for a big long walk. I had been the night before too and was hoping to see more dolphins – the night before I’d seen a massive pod of at least 50 or so, with around 10 of the pod really close to the shore and doing tricks in the waves as the sun set. It was pretty cool – leaping totally out of the water, surfing the waves almost totally into the shore and generally having a great frollick. I didn’t get a dolphin repeat yesterday morning, but did have a good walk then a rather cool but invigourating swim.

And you seem to really enjoy the swimming and the walking. I’m pretty sure that I felt you flutter down there when I was lying down afterwards. My stomach is expanding at what I think is a very rapid rate (though unfortunately I think it’s due in equal parts to your presence and the ice-cream craving/fetish/obsession I have developed and have been frequently feeding). I can’t seem to suck my stomach in at all anymore, it’s simply just solid. All the better to feel you flutter with I suppose, but it is a very strange feeling to be expanding at a rate which is visibly detectable. Normally your weight fluctuates so slowly that it’s undiscernable until you look at a photo over months, but not with you. Boobs the size of rockmelons (they were large to start with but jeepers!) and a tummy trying to catch up.

I feel like a chat to you but in a disjointed holiday way, so might just leave it there and share some pictures with you from the other night’s walk. I thought a bit about you, and chatted out loud (there was no-one else on the beach), and generally just stared at the waves and setting sun.

Hope you’re well, you can look forward to more swims today!

Love mum

 

The amazing expanding stomach December 16, 2008

Filed under: pregnancy — rakster @ 6:47 pm
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Hi Speck!

I have just got back to our little cabin after an afternoon of lazing on the beach under a beach umbrella reading my book. And again, it could just be gas, but I’m feeling very big in the stomach – decidedly pregnant. In fact the skirt I’m wearing is actually uncomfortable because it’s too tight about the waist. Your dad says I look great but I think he too is surprised at my expanding girth.

Otherwise all is quiet on your front. Cokemeister poo pooed the idea that you kicked me in the kidneys the other day by reminding me that you are only about 6cm long, which on reflection is true, another of those things I’m blaming you for on which you can’t defend yourself! Tough luck!

We started our roadtrip from Sydney to Brisbane with your Canadian grandparents today so tonight and tomorrow we are staying next to the beach in Seal Rocks.

It is beautiful. Maybe we can come camping here when you’re old enough to enjoy it. Lots of surfers around. Your dad caught a whiting but was unsuccessful in getting anything bigger – he says he’ll try again tomorrow.

 

Are you going to like books? December 14, 2008

Filed under: pregnancy — rakster @ 10:39 am
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Your dad and I are at the library because now that exams are over I’m permitting myself the pleasure of reading again. There was a little boy who just screamed by me three times pretending to be an aeroplane on his way to the kid’s section. And it got me to wondering what you will be like – will you like reading and libraries as much as your dad and I both do, or will something else be your thing?

What are you going to be like? What are you already like?

 

woohoo! Holidays December 12, 2008

Filed under: development stages,eating,pregnancy — rakster @ 5:00 pm
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Hi Speccie,

guess what! we’re on holidays! Its official, work has finished for the year! Just those nasty exams tomorrow to knock over, then we’re free!

By the way, was that you giving me a sharp kick in the kidneys at around 12:45? It was such a sharp, unusual pain that went away really quickly, that I suspect you were trying to stretch the boundaries of your home. Please keep it down in there if it was you – it was very painful. Otherwise, sorry to accuse you of things which aren’t down to you – I guess you have no real way of refuting it. I guess you’re stuck with that until you’re able to talk. In fact, I can blame you for everything from now until then really.

I look foward to it. I can see the conversations now:
Your dad: “Where did all the lollies go?!! What’s mine is yours and I want some lollies!”.
Me: “Oh my goodness, you little monster. Speck, I can’t believe you got into the lollies again!”.
Your dad: “I thought Speck was still on milk”.
Me: “Well, I guess he/she has moved on quickly. Fast developer, just like his/her dad :)”.

Awesome. It sounds like it might just work out. There have to be some compensations for carrying you around for nine months!

Hope you’re as excited as I am.  Look forward to lots of swims and lazing on the beach.   I might read out-loud to you if you’re lucky.

Love you

mum

 

you are an alien. I’m sure of it. And the obstetrician was right when he told us what you’d do when next we saw you: you performed on cue and waved at us. Double-handed! December 10, 2008

Filed under: development stages,healthcare,pregnancy — rakster @ 5:45 pm
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Hello Speccie,

good news – you are all in the normal and good range of the NT-scan results and the chances of you having one of those chromosomal abnormalities is pretty low. Your dad and I are pleased. Good for you. Still have questions and its all a bit weird to even think of, but reassuring I guess.

Otherwise – you seemed not to want to co-operate with us in getting the scan. I asked the ultrasound lady about the risks of ultrasound, well, actually I told her that we wanted to keep it to a minimum and she was very helpful & understanding with that & also reassuring. So she was efficient as she did it and just pointed out things quickly to us as she went about her measuring and checking. You were lying there and looking at the camera most of the time, scrunched up in a little ball though – curled up a bit like the way I sleep. We could see your head and your jawbone really clearly, and your legs were both there too. You have little arms, and we could see your finger bones, which are still hooked together in a web (I think we could make that out too). Weirdest of all, we could see your entire backbone with lots of little vertebrae really clearly. And through the top of your head we could see the two halves of your brain.

I also have a big placenta that has good blood flow in it to give you the nutrients you need, and a spot where you are connected through your umbilical cord. So all is good there.

After measuring your length & looking at your hands & arms & legs to make sure they were all there & looked ok, we tried to get the neck thickness reading. But you were asleep & in the wrong spot. So to get you to move around I had to lift my bum in the air & wiggle around. We tried that a few times, but you just didn’t want to move. Checked that you do have a heartbeat, and you do, 160 bpm at the moment, which is good. After wiggling my bum around a bunch of times you only seemed to shrug but stay in the same spot, so next we tried getting up and walking around the room while wiggling my bum. That seemed to work a bit – you kinda turned towards the camera & waved your arms in the air on either side – and looked so much like an alien with hollow eyes and a big brow but narrow chin coming at us with your arms waving around crazily up beside your head that your dad started doing impressions and dancing around with glee.  Sorry, no offence again, but you really do look just like an alien or the figure in Edward Munch’s ‘The Scream’.   I think the ultrasound lady was a bit surprised by my shouts of “oh my god, it looks like an alien freak – no offence speck”. After the single double-handed wave which sent both your dad & I into peals of laughter you immediately just then scrunched back up again and steadfastly refused to move.

Are you planning on a circus career?  You could go for a position in the freak show at the moment though I think that with the dexterity you displayed you have the capability to do a bunch of different things, and given your willingness to perform (but only at your choosing and only once dramatic bit) perhaps you are suited for something like that?  Or maybe you’ll just be a nude exhibitionist?? Up to you, but you showed promise in all these departments.

Next the ultrasound lady suggested that I needed to go and eat a bunch of sugar and come back in 10 minutes – apparently the effect of sugar on you down there is that immediate. She was hoping that it would wake you up and make you move around a lot so she could get a picture in the right spot of the thickness of your neck. So I went and scoffed a hot chocolate & then a caramel slice (urg, too sweet), and came back up. And, surprise, surprise, you were seemingly awake / much more active. You were moving around – doing flips and extending and contracting your legs and arms, and generally having a good swim. For about 5 minutes, after which time you tried to sleep again. The second ultrasound lady wasn’t as nice, and kept trying to poke you with the ultrasound machine, and I got fed up with her and told her to hurry up and finish. Your dad looked like he wanted to punch her. Anyway, she had managed to get one reading of your neck, which seemed fine, so we were done. After that my bloodtest results came back & the counsellor talked us through the results, and went on our way.

Your dad and I caught the bus home together and recounted to each other what it felt like to see you. He congratulated me on growing an a-ok baby until this point – but really, as I told him, its all you now I think. You should have most of your own organs and what not, so apart from nourishment etc, you’re on your own steam.

Anyway, it was good to see you, you looked relaxed and pretty comfortable down there. There seemed to be lots of room for you to grow bigger, and you seemed to be getting a bit of exercise. BTW perhaps the reason you were sleeping today is ’cause you had a pretty big work-out at frisbee last night (my back certainly knows about it today)?

so, like before, keep at the growing, you’ve got bigger but have a long way to go~

love you
mum

 

nervous December 10, 2008

Filed under: development stages,emotion,healthcare,pregnancy — rakster @ 10:13 am
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Hi Speck,

its your 12 week scan today (11 w 6d is where you are – so pretty on the mark)- the NT-plus test where they work out some probabilities of you having downs sydrome etc.  Its all done by blood test and ultrasound, so I’m excited to see you again, but I think understandably, also a little nervous.  I have read the material about what will happen, and your dad and I have talked about what the outcomes might be and our possible choices based on those outcomes, but it is hard to conceptualise until its really happening – a little more room for emotion and other things to creep in.

I’m also slightly concerned about ultrasounds in general after having a chat to a friend earlier in the week who was worried about them.  I’ve done some reading and there are some studies that make some tentative links between ultrasounds and reduced foetal development (in summary there are some of the opinion that parts of your brain/nerves might not develop as well if you are ultrasounded a lot compared to not at all/just a little).  So I’m also a bit tentative about the whole ultrasounding thing – I might have a chat to the doctor today about this and ask that they just keep it to a minimum – ie what they need to do but minimum time ultrasounding if possible.  Then next time I go to the obs I can have a chat to him about it and get another opinion too.   Trying to keep open-minded about it but also a little cautious – overall I think I believe in minimum intervention where possible, so really, not ultrasounding you unless medically advisable for solid reasons does make good sense.   Hopefully we’ll see you soon enough anyway – and in the flesh!

Otherwise, my exams are weighing on my mind too – but I just want them over and done with.  Sick of trying to study.  Need to do a bunch more but time is running out.  And its really a secondary concern at this point – its just adding to my overall level of stress / nervousness.

So today your dad and I go into the clinic, I give some blood and then half an hour later they come and do the ultrasound and do some measurements, and then I think all of this data gets fed into a central Australian database of other ‘noids results (tests and baby health etc) and then they come up with some kind of probability that you do/don’t have the chromosomal abnormality that causes downs syndrome.  I’m going to Sydney Ultrasound for Women, who have some info on their website about it. I’ve been there before – thats where your first two scans were from. Then I guess we get options for more testing and a counsellor talks to us about the results. Its a pity you can’t talk too and let us know how you’re doing. I’d like to have your opinion.

Love you, will definitely see you later today. Be well!

mum