my-speck

i'm pregnant and it's going to be a rollercoaster

dreaming of your birth April 1, 2009

Filed under: birthing,pregnancy — rakster @ 8:53 am
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Dear Speck,

good morning little squirmy one.  You are moving around whenever I sit or lie still.  Its been going for days.  Given that I work sitting still, and sleep lying down, that is a lot of squirming.  Its quite disconcerting to lie down and watch you make my stomach go into strange shapes.  You can make it ripple, make a lump in it as you push up & stay pushing up, and make it just jiggle a lot.  Good work.

Had a strange dream about you last night.  I was reading about birthing before bed, so no surprises as to where the thought process came from.   The dream was about you being born.  Good for me, you came out really quickly, and it wasn’t too painful – I actually remember saying to your dad, “well, that wasn’t too bad, must have been really lucky”.   Anyway, you were gorgeous except you had a very funny shaped little nose.  Your eyes looked at me and I loved you a lot straight away and just didn’t want to put you down.  You were pretty clean too compared to the mucous and blood-covered babies I’ve seen born before.   You were also amazingly well-developed for a newborn as next thing in the dream you were trying to pull your own head up and I was trying to make sure I didn’t drop you as you squirmed around.

I think I have a phobia about dropping you when you come out.
And you were a girl, though I don’t remember seeing any genitalia, just knowing that you were a girl.  You had a big head too.  But it is your eyes that I remember most clearly.  Bit spooky.

This week overall you’re suddenly feeling a lot more real to me.  Might be all the moving around.  I’ve started calling you baby, and now I really think of you as a little person more and more.  Wheras before you were a bit more ephemeral in my mind somehow… Now you’re solid and you move me around when you want, and you seem to get cranky when I lie on the side you’re resting on, and you seem to respond to your Dad’s voice when he talks to you (or me) by moving around.  And if you were born early you might survive in a humidicrib.  Much more than just a speck.

anyway, hope you enjoy the exercise down there.

love you
mum

 

grumpy and emotional February 1, 2009

Filed under: birthing,camping,eating,emotion,exercise,pregnancy — rakster @ 11:30 am
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Hi Speck,

I am grumpy and emotional today.  Your dad is really annoying and has yelled at me and made me cry.  And I told him I hated him.  Which I don’t.  But I was upset at the time.  Anyway.   Hopefully it will abate by tomorrow.  If its not all your dad’s fault it must be all your fault.  Not mine at all.   (kidding).

Otherwise.  It has been very busy here over the past few days.  Your Aunt 3 arrived on Thursday night and has been staying, and then Aunt 2 & D arrived for a night on Friday, and your dad came home too.  So there was a full house and we had a big breakfast all together in the garden yesterday morning before I headed off to yoga again and Aunt 2 & D went on their way.  They took away the little green car that your Dad and I bought when we were both at university and had been going out for just over a year.  It was a bit of a funny feeling to see it go.  Your dad lived at the Gold Coast and I lived in Brisbane when we first met, so we were forever catching the train and bus to each-others houses for the weekend and during the week, and borrowing cars whenever we could.  But it was a lot of travelling, so we looked forward to getting a car together.  Your Grandad lent us the money and we bought the little green car after a month or so of research.   It had been owned by an old lady and not driven much, and was in pretty good condition.  Anyway, 7 years, lots of camping, shopping, holidaying and general driving around later, it got retired a few months ago when we got a new second-hand car.  Not in your honour, we’d planned to anyway, but the new car has air-con (essential in Brisbane with a kid) and is bigger and has 5 doors so easier to get you in and out of.  So not sad to lose the old green car, but a little nostalgic.  We gave it to your Aunt 2 & Aunt 3 for Christmas.  Hopefully your Aunt 3 will get her licence so she too can drive it.  ‘Cause we don’t actually drive all that much, we tend to bike and walk quite a bit and bus and train and what not, although its pretty old now it doesn’t have many kms on it, so they might get some good use out of it.   See, I am somewhat emotional for some reason.

Yoga makes me feel a bit better – its been really nice this week to finally be able to get off my bum and do some exercise after being chair-bound for the past few weeks with my ankle.   Its making me feel more like a human and less like a lump that is incubating an alien and getting fatter by the day.   Its a strange feeling to be getting big – exciting cause I’m growing with you, but scary at the same time as I need to start thinking about the fact that while the fact that you’re getting bigger is good, the bigger you get the harder it is going to be to get you out.   I have started reading the Janet Balaskas New Active Birth book more earnestly than my previous cursory glances.  And have found a few places in Brisbane that offer Active Birthing classes for me, you and your dad to go to before you’re due to come out.  So we can practice and learn more about it.  I think we’ll book in for some soon.  Your dad is keen too.

your home - week 19

your home – week 19

Yesterday was pretty active.  Yoga, then me, your Dad, Aunt 3 and Deano went snorkelling at Gordon’s bay.   Your Aunt was very excited to see some Groper as long as her arm.   It was pretty cold in the water though, apparently there was a north easterly swell which brings cold water from somewhere.  A bit brisk.  But beautiful  – blue and aqua-green and a lovely day at the beach.   We then went for lunch & GOOD icecream at Pompeii’s in Bondi Beach.     Mmm.  I definitely need a new icecream maker though.  Mine just isn’t working as it should.  Not freezing properly anymore.

Cokemeister came for dinner and your dad made lovely moroccan fish with a rub he made and some hommus and a fennel and cabbage salad.  Yum.  And a berry (strawberry, raspberry and blueberry), biscotti and hot chocolate sauce thing for dessert.  Very replete.

Hope you’re well and not picking-up my grumpy vibes.

love you

mum