my-speck

i'm pregnant and it's going to be a rollercoaster

Talk about growing fingernails January 21, 2009

Filed under: development stages,pregnancy — rakster @ 8:22 am
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Good morning Speck!

Hope you’re ok, still no kidney kicking??

Quick one to let you know I’m still thinking of you. I’ve had a very quiet few days, what with not really being able to move freely around on my ankle . Your dad has gone up to Brisbane to do some painting on our house, so being by myself it’s kinda quiet. Funny, I used to travel a lot for work and we’d be apart all the time, which while you don’t necessarily ‘like’, you definitely get used to. Well, I’m unused to it now!

Aside from that, I thought I’d let you know that it’s not just you that is growing.  My hair doesn’t come out in big clumps anymore in the shower.  Apparently that is common for pregnant people.  And my fingernails.  I know you are growing some, but I surely must be winning if it were a race.  My fingernails seem to grow about a centimetre a week.  I filed them down last night.  Photo above.  I’m going to take a photo in a few days to show you.  Bit weird.

Hope you’re well.  I miss your dad and I wish you could talk to me!

love mum

 

 

Growing Pains and Bumps January 12, 2009

Filed under: development stages,pregnancy — rakster @ 12:59 pm
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Hiya Speck,

how you doing? I’m well. Famished today and yesterday. Have thankfully bought a heap of fruit to work so have eaten all the way from 7:45 am until now, when I’m onto my lunch. It feels like I’m finally starting to fill the hole. I hope you are getting some of it.

You have made your presence noticeable over the past few days. Well, I think so. My stomach seemed to ‘pop’ visibly within a day after those horrendous pains I experienced on Friday. I can now officially not do-up any of my old pants. Last week I could get them done up, though they were getting a bit tight when I sat. Today, no chance. I need to buy one of those stretchy bits of elasticy-stuff that let you wear your old pants basically undone but prevent your knickers from showing right on through. Today I’m just wearing a longer t-shirt, so its all covered but all is undone and free. I got some maternity jeans last week, so jeans are fine, but I need to go and get some other pants. Some of my skirts still fit if I hike them down.

Besides feeling bigger and having slightly uncomfortably tight clothes, its pretty great feeling overall! I now have a little rounded bump which feels good to rub, saying hello to you! I have to remember not to do it too much in public else I look like a freak. I wonder if you can feel just the rubbing – one of the books said you could feel a massage if I did one. I might give it a go again tonight when I’m lying in bed and see if you respond.

Hope you’re well and enjoyed dancing to Cat Empire on Saturday night. I did!

love you
mum

 

I feel you moving! December 29, 2008

Filed under: development stages,pregnancy — rakster @ 4:30 pm
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Hi Speck,

Quick note to let you know that I’m still thinking of you, have just been busy running around with your dad getting ready for the drive back to Sydney and seeing friends and family etc.

And I’ve been meaning to let you know that I’m 99% sure that I felt you down there!!!! It was three and two days ago now, and I felt some consistent movement which I find impossible to put into words. Other women I was talking to described it as a ‘flutter’. Not sure that’s what I’d describe it as but it felt different to the achey pains and occassional sharp twinges I’ve been feeling right at the bottom of my abdomen. This was much higher and felt softer and just, well, different. I felt it quite a few times over a half hour or so, then again the next day.

Anyway, thought I’d let you know! I was excited.

Love you

Mum

 

Dreaming of Speck December 27, 2008

Filed under: dreams,pregnancy — rakster @ 10:15 am
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Hi Speck,

I’ve been dreaming a lot recently. Apparently it is a relatively common thing. It disrupts my sleep to some extent – they tend to be big, all engaging dreams from which I find it hard to wake. Mostly they aren’t about you specifically – like your Dad, I & Grandma K went to Greece the night before last; and the night before that was a nightmare sequence with some friends from high school.  But last night it was about you.

Last night you had already been born, but only just. You were just a little thing – a bit bigger than my hand, with minature nappies and clothes to wear. You were quite content to suckle on my colostrum (which appeared right away I put you up to my boob) and you seemed to enjoy it. You were perfectly behaved and didn’t cry at all, just made little grunty noises if you nappy was too wet or something like that. I had trouble remembering to bring enough nappies for you – I remember thinking at some point “why am I using disposable?” and then looking at you and thinking “oh my, its so small I don’t think the cloth ones would work”. You weren’t a boy or a girl that I recall. You had really strong muscles in your back after a few days and I was very surprised that you wanted to sit up by yourself.

That was about it – me and your dad with a minature baby that wet its nappy a lot but overall was rather content, going from place to place in our old green car (for some reason I remember the going between places and changing your nappy in the boot rather than where we went or what you did).

Weird!

I wonder if you dream down there?

love you

mum

 

Brisvegas Adventures – Christmas is coming! December 24, 2008

Filed under: eating,pregnancy — rakster @ 8:53 am
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Hi Speck,

How you doing? I feel that you’re doing pretty well. Since we got to Brisbane I’ve been eating a diet consisting predominately of chocolate and snacks (including fruit), so sorry but I’m sure you’ll have to go through a sugar withdrawal in a week or so, but that’s just what happens at Christmas time! Get used to it.

We made it here and have been very busy running around trying to get Christmas things done and see some friends and family etc. Your Grandma & two Aunts saw ‘the bump’ for the first time yesterday. Its really not all that big yet, but the fact that I can’t suck my stomach in at all is kinda funny. They all had a feel – down below my belly button the pubis area is very solid and hard, where it used to be soft and springy. Everyone is very excited.

Yesterday we went to your Grandma’s to get ready for Christmas and while your dad cooked Hommus, Babaganoush and Titziki, I cooked Anzac Biscuits and Jam Drops. Had a strong memory of my Grandma over the past few days, and she used to bake great date cakes and always had baked biscuits in the cupboard, so I thought I’d cook some for Christmas. It was fun and they all worked out well – I made Rasberry Jam drops with the Rasberry Jam that I bought at the Bellingen markets that appears to just be pure Rasberries. Yum.

This morning I’m off to go for a bike ride and take Luke & Freya to the pool – Luke has been keen to hang out since we got back. He starts school this year (which I find hard to believe – time flies). You’ll meet them. We told them about you the other day too and they were a bit perplexed (where is the baby, your tummy is small); but then seemed very interested when we explained that you were only about 7cm long at the moment but would grow a lot bigger before you came out to say hello. Luke in particular was very interested in your Ultrasound pictures – and liked the fact that I call you an alien – I think he now has some idea that some kind of alien will emerge from my stomach some time next year.

Must run – we have to get going early before the sun gets too hot. Enjoy the swim too!

love mum

 

The amazing expanding stomach December 16, 2008

Filed under: pregnancy — rakster @ 6:47 pm
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Hi Speck!

I have just got back to our little cabin after an afternoon of lazing on the beach under a beach umbrella reading my book. And again, it could just be gas, but I’m feeling very big in the stomach – decidedly pregnant. In fact the skirt I’m wearing is actually uncomfortable because it’s too tight about the waist. Your dad says I look great but I think he too is surprised at my expanding girth.

Otherwise all is quiet on your front. Cokemeister poo pooed the idea that you kicked me in the kidneys the other day by reminding me that you are only about 6cm long, which on reflection is true, another of those things I’m blaming you for on which you can’t defend yourself! Tough luck!

We started our roadtrip from Sydney to Brisbane with your Canadian grandparents today so tonight and tomorrow we are staying next to the beach in Seal Rocks.

It is beautiful. Maybe we can come camping here when you’re old enough to enjoy it. Lots of surfers around. Your dad caught a whiting but was unsuccessful in getting anything bigger – he says he’ll try again tomorrow.

 

you are an alien. I’m sure of it. And the obstetrician was right when he told us what you’d do when next we saw you: you performed on cue and waved at us. Double-handed! December 10, 2008

Filed under: development stages,healthcare,pregnancy — rakster @ 5:45 pm
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Hello Speccie,

good news – you are all in the normal and good range of the NT-scan results and the chances of you having one of those chromosomal abnormalities is pretty low. Your dad and I are pleased. Good for you. Still have questions and its all a bit weird to even think of, but reassuring I guess.

Otherwise – you seemed not to want to co-operate with us in getting the scan. I asked the ultrasound lady about the risks of ultrasound, well, actually I told her that we wanted to keep it to a minimum and she was very helpful & understanding with that & also reassuring. So she was efficient as she did it and just pointed out things quickly to us as she went about her measuring and checking. You were lying there and looking at the camera most of the time, scrunched up in a little ball though – curled up a bit like the way I sleep. We could see your head and your jawbone really clearly, and your legs were both there too. You have little arms, and we could see your finger bones, which are still hooked together in a web (I think we could make that out too). Weirdest of all, we could see your entire backbone with lots of little vertebrae really clearly. And through the top of your head we could see the two halves of your brain.

I also have a big placenta that has good blood flow in it to give you the nutrients you need, and a spot where you are connected through your umbilical cord. So all is good there.

After measuring your length & looking at your hands & arms & legs to make sure they were all there & looked ok, we tried to get the neck thickness reading. But you were asleep & in the wrong spot. So to get you to move around I had to lift my bum in the air & wiggle around. We tried that a few times, but you just didn’t want to move. Checked that you do have a heartbeat, and you do, 160 bpm at the moment, which is good. After wiggling my bum around a bunch of times you only seemed to shrug but stay in the same spot, so next we tried getting up and walking around the room while wiggling my bum. That seemed to work a bit – you kinda turned towards the camera & waved your arms in the air on either side – and looked so much like an alien with hollow eyes and a big brow but narrow chin coming at us with your arms waving around crazily up beside your head that your dad started doing impressions and dancing around with glee.  Sorry, no offence again, but you really do look just like an alien or the figure in Edward Munch’s ‘The Scream’.   I think the ultrasound lady was a bit surprised by my shouts of “oh my god, it looks like an alien freak – no offence speck”. After the single double-handed wave which sent both your dad & I into peals of laughter you immediately just then scrunched back up again and steadfastly refused to move.

Are you planning on a circus career?  You could go for a position in the freak show at the moment though I think that with the dexterity you displayed you have the capability to do a bunch of different things, and given your willingness to perform (but only at your choosing and only once dramatic bit) perhaps you are suited for something like that?  Or maybe you’ll just be a nude exhibitionist?? Up to you, but you showed promise in all these departments.

Next the ultrasound lady suggested that I needed to go and eat a bunch of sugar and come back in 10 minutes – apparently the effect of sugar on you down there is that immediate. She was hoping that it would wake you up and make you move around a lot so she could get a picture in the right spot of the thickness of your neck. So I went and scoffed a hot chocolate & then a caramel slice (urg, too sweet), and came back up. And, surprise, surprise, you were seemingly awake / much more active. You were moving around – doing flips and extending and contracting your legs and arms, and generally having a good swim. For about 5 minutes, after which time you tried to sleep again. The second ultrasound lady wasn’t as nice, and kept trying to poke you with the ultrasound machine, and I got fed up with her and told her to hurry up and finish. Your dad looked like he wanted to punch her. Anyway, she had managed to get one reading of your neck, which seemed fine, so we were done. After that my bloodtest results came back & the counsellor talked us through the results, and went on our way.

Your dad and I caught the bus home together and recounted to each other what it felt like to see you. He congratulated me on growing an a-ok baby until this point – but really, as I told him, its all you now I think. You should have most of your own organs and what not, so apart from nourishment etc, you’re on your own steam.

Anyway, it was good to see you, you looked relaxed and pretty comfortable down there. There seemed to be lots of room for you to grow bigger, and you seemed to be getting a bit of exercise. BTW perhaps the reason you were sleeping today is ’cause you had a pretty big work-out at frisbee last night (my back certainly knows about it today)?

so, like before, keep at the growing, you’ve got bigger but have a long way to go~

love you
mum

 

nervous December 10, 2008

Filed under: development stages,emotion,healthcare,pregnancy — rakster @ 10:13 am
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Hi Speck,

its your 12 week scan today (11 w 6d is where you are – so pretty on the mark)- the NT-plus test where they work out some probabilities of you having downs sydrome etc.  Its all done by blood test and ultrasound, so I’m excited to see you again, but I think understandably, also a little nervous.  I have read the material about what will happen, and your dad and I have talked about what the outcomes might be and our possible choices based on those outcomes, but it is hard to conceptualise until its really happening – a little more room for emotion and other things to creep in.

I’m also slightly concerned about ultrasounds in general after having a chat to a friend earlier in the week who was worried about them.  I’ve done some reading and there are some studies that make some tentative links between ultrasounds and reduced foetal development (in summary there are some of the opinion that parts of your brain/nerves might not develop as well if you are ultrasounded a lot compared to not at all/just a little).  So I’m also a bit tentative about the whole ultrasounding thing – I might have a chat to the doctor today about this and ask that they just keep it to a minimum – ie what they need to do but minimum time ultrasounding if possible.  Then next time I go to the obs I can have a chat to him about it and get another opinion too.   Trying to keep open-minded about it but also a little cautious – overall I think I believe in minimum intervention where possible, so really, not ultrasounding you unless medically advisable for solid reasons does make good sense.   Hopefully we’ll see you soon enough anyway – and in the flesh!

Otherwise, my exams are weighing on my mind too – but I just want them over and done with.  Sick of trying to study.  Need to do a bunch more but time is running out.  And its really a secondary concern at this point – its just adding to my overall level of stress / nervousness.

So today your dad and I go into the clinic, I give some blood and then half an hour later they come and do the ultrasound and do some measurements, and then I think all of this data gets fed into a central Australian database of other ‘noids results (tests and baby health etc) and then they come up with some kind of probability that you do/don’t have the chromosomal abnormality that causes downs syndrome.  I’m going to Sydney Ultrasound for Women, who have some info on their website about it. I’ve been there before – thats where your first two scans were from. Then I guess we get options for more testing and a counsellor talks to us about the results. Its a pity you can’t talk too and let us know how you’re doing. I’d like to have your opinion.

Love you, will definitely see you later today. Be well!

mum

 

letter from your aunt (she is in Japan and bored at work) December 9, 2008

Filed under: pregnancy — rakster @ 5:25 pm
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hey speck,

how are you doing? you still making <your mum>  feel sick? stop it. she has to work for a couple more months yet before she can sit around while you’re swimming.

have you become human-like yet? or are you still a fish/pig/alien? 🙂

can’t wait to see you after you’ve popped out… although you’ll prolly still be all pink and a bit funny looking for a while 😉

xo love, your aunty (scary!)

 

…grow grow grow…. December 2, 2008

Filed under: development stages,eating,pregnancy — rakster @ 3:23 pm
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Hey Speck!

well.  Long time no chat.  I can’t feel you moving around and I think it is still going to be a while before we can commune by touch through my belly.  So chatting with you this way is all I have for a bit longer.  Apparently your dad is going to be able to hear your heartbeat through my belly with his ear at some point too.  Again, I suspect its quite a while off, but that hasn’t stopped him trying.  He hasn’t rasberried you in a few days – but don’t feel neglected, he is just busy cooking for me while I study, and getting excited about your other grandparents arriving to visit from Canada.

Its a bit hot today, it feels like summer is finally here.  Yesterday was warm but it still cooled down last night.  It was a funny night – the people up the road have a yearly Christmas  decorations / turn on the lights drink/party on the street outside their house and we went along to say hello.  All in all about 50 people and then assorted children, with a slow start but then building to taking over the street and standing around chatting and gossiping.  We’ve lived in the same two streets for almost two years, so we know a few of them.  I was still surprised at how many little kids were around – I only see the ones who live across from us, but there were heaps of the little munchkins running around everywhere.  At 8:30 there was a 10 second countdown from the crowd on the street – where all the kids stood at the front & held hands & looked & then screamed with delight as the Christmas lights of the house with the party were ceremoniously turned on.  All in all I think I’m still a bit incredulous that we’ll have to look after you and you’ll be one of those independent, loud, screaming little bundles of energy.  Welcome, but still slightly unreal.

Otherwise your dad and I are well, still making sure we eat well – you’ll have to let him know that you really enjoyed the oven-baked falafels so he cooks them more frequently!  Hope you are busy growing your arms and legs and other bits.

love you
mum

p.s. you better be growing a lot because I am increasing in size at a rapid rate.  I think its actually disproportionately rapid.  I’m hoping I look as fat as I do mainly because I am constantly totally filled with gas, but unfortunately I suspect that is not the case.