my-speck

i'm pregnant and it's going to be a rollercoaster

212 days to go. and today I feel like counting. November 25, 2008

Filed under: eating,family,pregnancy — rakster @ 1:02 pm
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Hi Speck,

Hope you’re well?  I’ve been attempting to eat more healthily after Saturday’s chocolate binge – well, actually your dad is trying to encourage me, which is good.  So I have just had an absolutely delicious lunch of home-made falafels and avocado salsa on lebanese bread with yoghurt.  Yum.

Bad news on the home front – your great grandfather passed away over the weekend.  That’s a bit sad – ’cause you’ll never get to meet him.  Though I’m sure that your dad will tell you some stories if you ask him.  He is a bit sad at the moment and gave you a big long hug this morning.

Otherwise all is, I hope, well with you.  I am feeling slightly less tired, but that could be because I’ve just been going to bed at 9pm wherever possible and sleeping-in as late as I can too.  Overall had a rather restful weekend, so I think that helps too.   Your dad and I got some more books about stuff related to pregancy and what not on the weekend, and some kind of video too – hopefully you dad can watch this on repeat until he feels more comfortable with blood & gore.  He’s not good with that kind of thing at all.   your arrival is starting to feel a little bit less unreal as the days go by.

Love you
mum

 

chocolate and to wax or not to wax? November 23, 2008

Filed under: birthing,eating,pregnancy — rakster @ 1:45 pm
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Hi Speck,

howsit going down there?  Your dad wants to know if you want to be baptised.  Since we’re not religious, and neither one of us are, to our knowledge, baptised, we’ve decided against it for you.  If you want to later in life, feel free.  Seems a bit premature.  Anyway, I think he was just more interested in throwing water at your head: the next question was “Can I squirt it with a watergun?”.  To which of course the answer is an unqualified yes, however I think he should note that children seem to like waterguns and as you get older you may return the favour.   But not in any religious sense.

The other strange conversation we’ve had today is about the state of my pubic hair when its time to go to hospital.  I have to admit, it was me that made a joke about hair removal when reading the hospital book ’cause it mentioned that you can get a hairdresser who comes to your room – but he then wanted to know if I am going to wax my fanny for when you come out.  Again, I was slightly mystified as to the reason he would ask such a thing – or even think about it – but apparently he is concerned that I might care what the various people who no doubt will see it will think.  Surprising, cause I’m not one to worry about that kind of thing at all! Sorry if I’ve embarrassed you, I guess you mum’s fanny is something no child (nor adult for that matter) really wants to think about for any length of time at all.  It does make you wonder though – do other women worry about the state of their fanny when they go into hospital: to hairy bush or to not?  Or indeed right the way through their pregnancy, all the scans, the OB visits??  Goodness, you could run a sideline business that was affiliated with clinics that specialised in ‘down there hair care’.

Too much.

Other weird hospital things:

  • why 7-10 pairs of underpants? Is this number arbitrary or does it suggest 2-3 changes a day for 2-3 days?  They don’t specify a style – is it nanna-knicker only or can you go with the kath&kim -style g-banger look?
  • camera, games, … jigsaws?    Jigsaws?  Do they mean jigsaw puzzles?  Cause to me a jigsaw is a SAW that you use to cut wood.  Surely they don’t want your dad to perform surgery on me if it all goes pear-shaped?  Urg!.   And if they do mean jigsaw puzzles, who really wants to play jigsaw puzzles after they’ve just had a baby?

Hope you’re well.  And enjoying my chocolate binge from yesterday.  I gave up on healthy eating for the afternoon.  A friend had a hangover and wanted a burger for lunch, but as we strolled along Darling Street looking for a burger joint, Adriano Zumbo’s new chocolate cafe just leapt out at us & we had to go in.  I had a chocolate milkshake for lunch, followed up with a few handmade chocolates that we shared.  Truly to-die for was the violet & *berry (there goes the short-term memory again, it wasn’t blueberry, maybe blackberry??).  Anyway, good.  I am going back another day.  I will miss Adriano when I move back to Brisvegas.  The cakes are to drool over – if you haven’t eaten / been there you MUST look: amazing cakes

and two reviews of the chocolate shop.

Have to run, we are going to buy a new baby book – your dad is almost as obsessed as me, which is fun.

bye!

love you.

get bigger.

mum

 

little fingers November 18, 2008

Filed under: development stages,pregnancy — rakster @ 11:10 am
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Hi Speck!

Good morning. Nice day and I am feeling chirpier than I was yesterday.  I’m going to put it down to the weather and the fact that I have finished another gruelling part of my uni work at the moment. One more assignment down, one to go then two exams.  Anyway, your Dad is just sick of me never being home at night and complaining and then just sleeping when I am at home.  Four more weeks and then that is all over.

Another reason to feel better is that we have a holiday to look forward to.  Your Dad has booked accomodation, so we are definitely off on a road trip in the weeks before Christmas.  A few days at Seal Rocks, a couple around Nambucca / Bellingen, then up to Brisbane.  So, its something to look forward to.  I am really looking forward to lying on the beach and reading a book and swimming and relaxing and walking on the beach.  Though I definitely do need new togs before we leave as my boobs are still expanding at at a (I hope) unsustainably fast rate.  Jeez.  You better like breast milk.

Otherwise its all quiet on your front, which is a nice change from the semi-panic I was in last week.  You are hopefully swimming away like a little prawn down there, with your webbed hands, and the tips of your ears are coming along nicely.  I am starting to think of you as a baby rather than just a blob – just now I was imagining how soft your skin will be when you first come out and how small your fingers and fingernails.  Sop, sop, must be my hormones.  I’m still feeling exhausted, nauseous at random times, and overall struggling with concentration, but I’m excited.

Toodle-oo, enjoy your swim.
love mum.

 

food.. you are 8 weeks old! November 15, 2008

Filed under: eating,pregnancy,vegetarian — rakster @ 10:41 am
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Hiya Speck,

so, you’ve still been eating pretty well I think. Still no meat though – you’re going to have to wait until you’re out & on solids to be able to have some of that. We went to the markets this morning in the rain and wandered around buying yummy stuff.

This week its going to be:

mango

  • mangoes – which I am totally craving
  • apples
  • poached pears with yoghurt
  • more hommus
  • couscous with chickpeas and veges (some really nice zucchinis)
  • fresh ripe vine tomatoes, which look good!
  • fresh corn

and other yummy things.

I have fried egg and avocado on fresh soy and linseed sour dough for breakfast now. yum.

Week 8

So, Kaz says that you have webbed hands developing this week. Good for you. Your dad says please keep them and you can have superpowers like Aqua Man.

I guess Aquaman does look pretty cool, though not sure with the genes we will be passing on that you have much chance of turning out like that. Your dad can only hope.

The other stuff happening is that I’m still pretty grumpy and getting slightly hysterical when I get too tired at night – sorry dad, i was a complete and utter crazy loon bitch woman last night – but the good news for him is that he is no longer repulsive like a slug and I want cuddles again.  Sometimes.  And ice cream cravings are pretty strong.

So, keep on growing – you’re apparently now 1 million (yes, unbelievable) times bigger than you were on the moment you started, and you’ve got lots to go!

Love & kisses

mum

 

.. November 10, 2008

Filed under: emotion,pregnancy — rakster @ 4:44 pm
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OH MY GOD I’M HAVING A BABY.

sometimes it just hits me like I just found out again. aaagh. What am I going to do?? It will be there forever (hopefully).

aaaaaaaaaghhhhhhhhhhhh.

 

Morning October 24, 2008

Filed under: emotion,exhaustion,pregnancy — rakster @ 8:14 am
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Hey Speck,

well, no morning sickness at all yet, though I am very tired.  Though that could just be because I’m stressed.  Too much to do at work and behind in my uni work (again).  I just don’t know when I’ll have time to catch up, because we’re off to Brisvegas tonight for the weekend and it will be pretty busy.  I need to fit some research on my assignment in there somewhere though.

I’m still worried about you, but kinda resigned to just having to wait and see.  Keep it up.

love you.

-mum

 

Oh, maybe you’re not ok? please keep on growing.. we love you. October 22, 2008

Filed under: eating,healthcare,pregnancy — rakster @ 2:38 pm
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Dear Speck,

hiya down there.  We’ve just been for the scan.  Are you ok?  I hope so.  Still not sure.

We went to the clinic and I managed to scull about a litre of water in the taxi on the way from work because I’d forgotten to drink a bunch beforehand.  You’re supposed to have a full bladder for the first part of the examination to make it easier to see.  Well, I’m not sure that much of it made it to my bladder but I had drunk so much I felt ill.  My own fault.  Next time I’ll be better prepared.  I met your dad at the clinic and we went in to see the technician.

We were there for a ‘dating and viability’ scan.  But apparently they do expect you to know such things as the exact day your last period started, and how long your normal cycle is.  So the ‘dating’ and viability part only works out if they know approximately how old you should be.  And I really don’t know.  Basically we could see a dark area which the technician said was ‘a pregnancy’, but it was difficult to gauge if everything is going ok, or if its not.  She thought you were a size that indicated you were about 5 weeks old, which didn’t quite tally with the dates I thought about.  They date you from the first day of your last period, and since I’m not 100% sure, it was a bit difficult.

The short of it is that you’re only about 5 weeks old, or you’re too small for your age.  Its a bit scary.  You are in the right spot though, there is a gestation sac that you look like you’re in (though we couldn’t see you, just the sac).  So I’m pretty worried.  We tried to work backwards again, but its hard to work out exactly when I had my last period, because I had just had an operation, we went on holidays, and all of those things (read – mum not so good at keeping track of things like dates and regularity of period etc.  I mean really, its annoying at the best of times, I try not to think about it or let it impact my life as much as possible).  Optimistically, I definitely had my period on the 13th, so by that measure you are only just 5.5 weeks old, which tallies with how big and developed you were on the scan.  But I thought it was a few days before that.  I thought it was more like the 8th, which puts you just over 6 weeks… I guess its only a week, and your Dad thinks that maybe you floated around looking for a comfy spot to land for a long time.  Sometimes it can take up to 7 days, he’s read, so perhaps you’re just a young 5-6 weeks.  And perfectly sized.  I hope so.

Anyway, I’m going to keep eating well for you.  We already have an appointment with the GP in 5 days time, on Monday, and we’ve optimistically made an appointment for another ultrasound to see how big you are in two weeks time.  I hope you’re ok.

love you!  (even though you’re tiny).

mum

 

Speck Day Two. Hello… Are you still there? Do you have a heartbeat yet? October 17, 2008

Filed under: healthcare,pregnancy — rakster @ 12:47 am
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Hi Speck!

It’s your mum here.  I’m feeling a bit more confident about writing in the first person now that I’ve had almost 24 hours to think about the fact that I’M PREGNANT with you (I feel like shouting and jumping up and down with glee every time i think that or say it out aloud).   It’s all a bit of a strange feeling.  Your dad is totally excited and is now putting my annoying behaviour every 5 minutes down to hormones.  I suspect this will continue for at least a few years now.

So I didn’t tell you this but yesterday we went to the doctor.  I had an operation about six weeks ago to have a cyst taken from beside my left ovary, and yesterday was the 6 week follow-up.  The doctor was busy trying to tell us that he thought my reproductive system was all ok (well, at least that my fallopian tubes worked) as he’d checked it after the operation by running blue dye through them.  I had to interrupt and let him know that we thought they were ok too, because I appeared to be pregnant.  It feels strange telling people.  I have found myself saying that I “might be pregnant”.   Your dad and the doctor both said that there is usually a “pregnant” or “not pregnant” and nothing much in-between.  I think I’m still coming to terms with it (happily, but warily too…  ).

The doctor referred me to go and get a blood test which will hopefully tell us how much of the pregnancy hormone I have floating around in my blood, which might let us know a bit better how old you are and that you are in the right spot (ie in my uterus rather than somewhere else).  I went and got the blood test this morning and will get the results back this afternoon.  I must say though, that you are very distracting and I am finding it hard to concentrate.  I have a corporate finance exam tomorrow and I should be studying, but at this stage it seems relatively insignificant.  So.. awaiting blood test results.  By the way, I should make the point now that I absolutely HATE blood tests – they make me feel so sick that I feel queasy just thinking about it.  I’m sorry if this is stressful for you too – perhaps I’ll get better as we go along – I’ve heard from friends that I might start to feel like a pin cushion during this pregnancy.

We celebrated last night with some home-cooked Mexican food.  Yum.  Your dad cooked while I sat and wrote the first post and then madly looked at pregancy websites trying to work out what is happening to me and you at the moment and what comes next.  We were going to buy a book on the way home from the doctor but he wisely suggested I should wait until after my exam.  That was probably good advice but I find I’m totally distracted by you regardless (I’ve set myself another half an hour and then I REALLY am going to go and study). I also started to write some lists.  Lists of things I need to do in order to get ready for you.  I’m sure it will be never-ending, but a few things that I thought of straight away were things the doctor mentioned and things I’ve been wanting to do when I did get pregnant..  The lists we’ve got are:

  • things to organise.. this is going to be never-ending
  • bets on the date you’ll join us outside my stomach
  • names we think you might have (by the way, we decided since you were still so small and spitting up and growing all the time each day at the moment that we’d call you Speck.  But we also decided that as you get bigger we might have to come up with a different name for you.  Hope you don’t get too confused).

I also introduced you to JJJ and we did some dancing.  I expect you’ll hate the music I like as I generally dislike my mother’s music, but at least you’ll hopefully have at least some sense of a beat.

I didn’t sleep very well as I think my brain went into overload thinking about all the things we need to do before you arrive, and the fact that you’re coming at all really.  We’ve wanted to have you for a while, but now you’re coming it is all a bit daunting.   So this morning this is what I’ve done (see you’re already taking up a lot of my day…):

  • phone the hospital to make an appointment and book in your birth (who would have thought you need to do this so soon??? – but the doctor advised they do get booked out)
  • gone to the pathology place and had a blood test.  I thought I coped pretty well really.  I didn’t pass out this time (i did last time).
  • made sure I ate breakfast for once.   Scrambled eggs to get you some protein.  I’m still vegetarian and one of the things on my list is to go and check my diet with the dietician so I don’t starve you of the things you need…  By the way, I’m really sorry that I skipped breakfast on you a bunch of times earlier this month.
  • phoned the childcare centre & put in an application for you.  Apparently its so busy you might not even get in for kindy.  Considering still really just a little Speck in my uterus (hopefully) it seems a sad reflection on our society that there might be no-where for you to go play with other kids while I do some work.

My half-hour is almost up.  I can’t decide if I am feeling queasy because I potentially have a mild form of morning-sickness (I think I felt like this for a while at work yesterday before I did the test but was busy and just put it down to being a bit off-colour); or if I am just over-excited.

I hope you’re doing well today.   Have a bit of a boogie down there & don’t take it too seriously.  I’m probably just a worry wart.

love you

-mum