my-speck

Hi Speck!

It’s your mum here.  I’m feeling a bit more confident about writing in the first person now that I’ve had almost 24 hours to think about the fact that I’M PREGNANT with you (I feel like shouting and jumping up and down with glee every time i think that or say it out aloud).   It’s all a bit of a strange feeling.  Your dad is totally excited and is now putting my annoying behaviour every 5 minutes down to hormones.  I suspect this will continue for at least a few years now.

So I didn’t tell you this but yesterday we went to the doctor.  I had an operation about six weeks ago to have a cyst taken from beside my left ovary, and yesterday was the 6 week follow-up.  The doctor was busy trying to tell us that he thought my reproductive system was all ok (well, at least that my fallopian tubes worked) as he’d checked it after the operation by running blue dye through them.  I had to interrupt and let him know that we thought they were ok too, because I appeared to be pregnant.  It feels strange telling people.  I have found myself saying that I “might be pregnant”.   Your dad and the doctor both said that there is usually a “pregnant” or “not pregnant” and nothing much in-between.  I think I’m still coming to terms with it (happily, but warily too…  ).

The doctor referred me to go and get a blood test which will hopefully tell us how much of the pregnancy hormone I have floating around in my blood, which might let us know a bit better how old you are and that you are in the right spot (ie in my uterus rather than somewhere else).  I went and got the blood test this morning and will get the results back this afternoon.  I must say though, that you are very distracting and I am finding it hard to concentrate.  I have a corporate finance exam tomorrow and I should be studying, but at this stage it seems relatively insignificant.  So.. awaiting blood test results.  By the way, I should make the point now that I absolutely HATE blood tests – they make me feel so sick that I feel queasy just thinking about it.  I’m sorry if this is stressful for you too – perhaps I’ll get better as we go along – I’ve heard from friends that I might start to feel like a pin cushion during this pregnancy.

We celebrated last night with some home-cooked Mexican food.  Yum.  Your dad cooked while I sat and wrote the first post and then madly looked at pregancy websites trying to work out what is happening to me and you at the moment and what comes next.  We were going to buy a book on the way home from the doctor but he wisely suggested I should wait until after my exam.  That was probably good advice but I find I’m totally distracted by you regardless (I’ve set myself another half an hour and then I REALLY am going to go and study). I also started to write some lists.  Lists of things I need to do in order to get ready for you.  I’m sure it will be never-ending, but a few things that I thought of straight away were things the doctor mentioned and things I’ve been wanting to do when I did get pregnant..  The lists we’ve got are:

• things to organise.. this is going to be never-ending
• bets on the date you’ll join us outside my stomach
• names we think you might have (by the way, we decided since you were still so small and spitting up and growing all the time each day at the moment that we’d call you Speck.  But we also decided that as you get bigger we might have to come up with a different name for you.  Hope you don’t get too confused).

I also introduced you to JJJ and we did some dancing.  I expect you’ll hate the music I like as I generally dislike my mother’s music, but at least you’ll hopefully have at least some sense of a beat.

I didn’t sleep very well as I think my brain went into overload thinking about all the things we need to do before you arrive, and the fact that you’re coming at all really.  We’ve wanted to have you for a while, but now you’re coming it is all a bit daunting.   So this morning this is what I’ve done (see you’re already taking up a lot of my day…):

• phone the hospital to make an appointment and book in your birth (who would have thought you need to do this so soon??? – but the doctor advised they do get booked out)
• gone to the pathology place and had a blood test.  I thought I coped pretty well really.  I didn’t pass out this time (i did last time).
• made sure I ate breakfast for once.   Scrambled eggs to get you some protein.  I’m still vegetarian and one of the things on my list is to go and check my diet with the dietician so I don’t starve you of the things you need…  By the way, I’m really sorry that I skipped breakfast on you a bunch of times earlier this month.
• phoned the childcare centre & put in an application for you.  Apparently its so busy you might not even get in for kindy.  Considering still really just a little Speck in my uterus (hopefully) it seems a sad reflection on our society that there might be no-where for you to go play with other kids while I do some work.

My half-hour is almost up.  I can’t decide if I am feeling queasy because I potentially have a mild form of morning-sickness (I think I felt like this for a while at work yesterday before I did the test but was busy and just put it down to being a bit off-colour); or if I am just over-excited.

I hope you’re doing well today.   Have a bit of a boogie down there & don’t take it too seriously.  I’m probably just a worry wart.

love you

-mum