my-speck

i'm pregnant and it's going to be a rollercoaster

Raining and Kicking and return of Baby Brain May 20, 2009

Filed under: pregnancy — rakster @ 10:17 am
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Hello Speck,

its raining.  Its raining a lot in fact.  And has been all night and some of yesterday.  My limited supply of clothing is mostly wet on the verandah, so I can’t venture out in public until it ceases and dries.  My stomach has expanded to such an extent now that there are very limited clothes, even Maternity ones, that fit, so it is a bit dire.  But that’s ok.  You and I are having a pretty quiet time at the moment, so going around in stretchy yoga pants is totally an acceptable option.   So we’re taking it.

Days consist of waking up (you are waking about 6 am and having a big old play down there, which in turn wakes me), then staying in the warm bed as long as possible before finally dragging myself out to the shower.   Your dad is making us a lovely smoothie, then we leave for your Grandad’s house, where your uncle has invariably misplaced something and can’t find it in order to leave for school.  After that panic is over, we plug in our laptop and then tap-tap-tap away and work until R gets home after lunch.   Then we go home and see what your dad has been doing for the morning (currently finishing off the varnishing of your cot), and do some more tap tap tapping work.

Then its time to think about dinner and perhaps some exercise.   I look distractedly at the piles of washing and the stuff piled up in your room and the study that needs re-organising, get overwhelmed, so just chill out and watch TV or read a book.  You generally have a very active period from around 6pm onwards for a few hours, so I’ve taken to playing with you.  Simple games like pushing the foot around the belly.   Its very funny for me.  I think you like it too.   Small things amuse me at the moment.  Your dad thinks I am crazy (but in a good way.   He said fun & crazy & interesting).  Then we read a book for a while (currently on short stories again), and go to sleep.

The days are flying by at a roaring pace.  36 days to go according to the official count-down.   The weekends between now and when you come are chocka-block full with catching up with people, and going away, and a wedding and all sorts of stuff.  So please just wait a bit longer.   Until around 21 June would be good.   Then you’ll not only be full-term and ready, but I will have had a weekend away at a wedding and hopefully your room will be ready and my work will be finished.   And yes, work is much harder now.   Baby brain has returned with a vengeance.  It has come and gone about 5 times during the pregnancy.  Now its back.  I think the thing that is hardest is that I can only concentrate on one thing at once.  So my usual multi-tasking is just impossible to do.  And I have to write things down immediately I think of them / have a conversation with someone else I just can’t recall it five minutes later.  And if too much tries to squeeze into the brain all at once I just feel a bit overloaded & freak out.   So I’m taking one thing at a time.  Unfortunately work was supposed to be winding down but after the visit to Sydney last week there was a bunch more things I got given to do that have time constraints and what-not, so that is all full-steam ahead for a few more weeks.    So I am slowly working through each thing.

I’m a bit worried that you might come early.  I am still going to baby yoga at yogababy on Tuesday nights.  I’ve decided that even though there is a lot of talking, I like it more now.  I just take the bits I like from it and ignore the rest. And its an hour and a half where I can relax and think about you and feel pretty calm overall.   And its fun to gawk at all the other pregnant ladies.  There were about 26 of us last night.  All at least 18 weeks.   Its funny to see how differently everyone else carries their babies, and how big/small/different-shaped they are for how pregnant they are.  I think that overall my belly is a pretty big ball shape compared to others.  I am definitely bigger than a few women in the class who were at 39 weeks.   They were generally a bit less ball-shaped and round-all-over, wheras you really do look like I swallowed a big watermelon.   So yes, I’m thinking that you could come early, purely based on the size of my stomach.   Which of course is no real indication at all.

Anyway, just wanted to say hi.  I know you know I’m thinking about you, as we chat everyday and have a play too.  Your dad says hi, he also had a big long chat to you last night.

love you

mum

p.s. oh yeah, and your dad and I think we might have a name or two for you.  The boy one we’re pretty happy with – there have been omens over the past few days which are making me more sure.   The girl one we have a few more options but I’m sure we have something that will match you.   That is kinda fun.   You’re going to have a name!   But we’re going to wait until we meet you to decide – just to make sure.  And it will be secret to everyone else until then.   🙂   I guess we could ask you and play the tap-tap game to see if you have a preference…

 

yay! No gestational diabetes for me. Tonight after exercise class I’m going to celebrate with cashew toffee ice cream. April 8, 2009

Filed under: cooking,eating,emotion,healthcare,pregnancy — rakster @ 2:48 pm
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Hello Speck!

Lunch time.  You’ve just made your presence felt once again – you seem to get annoyed by the consumption of food – like it impinges on your space so you have to make your displeasure known by giving a few big solid movements around the stomach and lung/rib area.  I played a game with you and grabbed your little bottom and foot again.  You moved around, so I did it again.  It makes me pee myself with laughter.  It feels really strange when you’re doing ‘tent pose’ and you move around, and your dad can see it from the outside, and I can see and feel it.  You generally like it when I laugh too, and go back to sleep for a bit, so it works out for all of us.

Good news – I don’t have gestational diabetes.  My base level was 4.2 and my 2hour level was 6.2, which is ‘excellent’ according to the endocrinologist.  I’ve read some more about it, and the accepted cut-off levels in Australia recommended by Ranzcog are fasting >5.5 & 2hr >8.0. So I’m well within. Yay.  No carb-cutting diet restrictive practices required.  My iron levels however, are low.  So I’m going to start iron supplements today.  I’ve been tested earlier in the pregnancy for Iron, so I know I’ve been fine most of the time, but I have read that around 28 weeks the level of your growth kicks in again and thus lower iron is common (and apparently this growth-spurt in you can also have links to grumpiness in me – which tallies).  Anyway, I was hoping to avoid iron tablets ’cause they have some nasty side-effects, but I guess it has to be done.

P.S.  I think we will be making cashew toffee ice cream tonight to celebrate after pregnancy physio exercise classes are done.

Love you

mum

 

All mighty movement March 25, 2009

Filed under: exercise,pregnancy — rakster @ 8:36 pm
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You are either really excited or just a bit antsy like me. You have been kicking, turning and generally pummelling my innards non-stop for three days. Perhaps you know I haven’t written in a while and are worried that I’m not paying you enough thought attention. Aerobics workout. Rest up, you’ll get a chance to tax your dad and I when you come out.

Love you
Mum

 

windscreen washing the inside of my uterus March 11, 2009

Filed under: baby's feelings,birthing,development stages,exhaustion,healthcare,pregnancy — rakster @ 9:11 am
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Hello Little Round Ball (’cause there is no way you are a speck anymore, its a round ball down in there…  you’re still my Speck, but your house is shaped more like a ball),

how are you?  I’m tired again.  Exhausted in fact.  Yes, I know I’m commuting Sydney-Brisbane, and that is a bit tiring, but I’m disproportionally tired.  It started last week.  The weekend was good but I could barely keep my eyes open at night.  We went to G&Ks for a barbeque on Friday night and it was only 8:15pm when I had to leave and go home – I was going to fall asleep at the table.

You on the other hand have been moving around like you’re in an aerobics championship.   You’ve got some new moves too – they started on Saturday.  Lying in bed on Saturday morning I noticed something different.   You now do big sweeping movements with feet and or hands – right across my belly.  If you can think of someone washing the inside of a car windscreen with big round movements, that’s what it feels like you’re doing.  Lots of that and less of the one-off kicking.  It feels pretty freaky to be honest.  It just lasts so long.  I think the short sharp kicks were easier to deal with.  And you’re definitely growing at a rapid rate, as now when I feel you moving around – I feel as though I can tell where your head, legs and arms are pretty often.  And every time you’re wiggling about and doing tumble turns.  Which is frequently.

I couldn’t sleep last night.  After a while, you woke up too and started to do the calesthenics.  You kick really hard now – if I’m looking at my stomach I think I can almost see where your foot pokes the stomach out.  Anyway, I figured that I may as well practice ‘training you in acrobatics’ for fun, like the girl I work with is going to do with her baby.  I thought it was a bit of a joke, but pushed just where you had kicked, and then you thumped back even harder than the first time.  I moved my fingers a few cm along my stomach from where the original kick was and pushed again, and, surprise, you moved and kicked back in the new position.  Funny.  I did it a few times after which you settled down again.   I then gave you a massage, which you seemed to like.  I’m starting to feel now that you’re really a little person in there.  Before you were just a ‘baby’.  Some kind of growing blob.  Now you are starting to feel more and more real.   I had a chat to you last night while massaging and I was wondering what you were thinking.  ‘Cause I think you’re thinking now.  I wish you’re Dad could feel these changes in you too – I think its definitely part of the ‘mum’ gets used to baby coming along part of being pregnant for nine months.  Last night you felt like a boy to me.  A month ago while walking home one night I had a premonition that you were a girl.   So, I obviously don’t know.

We went and met your obstetrician in Brisbane last Friday.  He is very relaxed.  He told me to eat anything, just avoid bungee jumping and advised not to take up heroin at this point.   I think I can manage that.  Your dad and I were surprised when we looked at the chart to see how big you are now.  No wonder I can feel you – you’re much bigger than a coke can (which is where I thought you were at).  I guess you won’t know him, but be reassured he is a very amicable person who seems supportive of what we want to do in the birth.  He is apparently well-known for only intervening and doing a c-section if absolutely necessary – chatting to him about this made me feel like he would be the right person to help us along.  I still wish to some extent that the model of care offered in Australia was more flexible though – while I like him, I’d also like for us to be able to choose our own midwife to come along and be there before, during and after your birth.  That’s not an option with the way the hospitals and medical system works today.  Which I think is a travesty.   But, ce la vie.   I guess you take what you can get and make what you will with it.  Hopefully your Dad and I will cope regardless.  As the doctor emphasised, the birth is going to be the ‘easy’ bit in retrospect.  Yep, it will be hard, and stressful, and most likely hurt a lot, but it will be over pretty quickly.  Wheras you’ll be with us for a long time afterwards.  To worry about forever more.

kisses
mum.

 

Welcome to week 23 February 26, 2009

Filed under: development stages,emotion,pregnancy — rakster @ 8:07 pm
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Hiya Speck,

As the title says, welcome to week 23. It’s Thursday night, and I’ve made it home to Brisbane after a very draining work week in the office. I’m currently sitting in the newly revamped local fish and chip shop, very happy that my first stop on an attempt to get take-out dinner is going to yield such good results… That might sound a little strange; but I’m picky on takeaway food. Your dad made me come by myself ’cause he loses his temper or feels anxious for me because he thinks I am not going to be happy with what I find take-away. Its more true maybe in a food court. There are often very limited vegetarian/pescetarian options. Anyway, a girl at the wedding last week mentioned that the local fish and chip show to our house in Brisbane had been redone and she’d eaten here and interviewed the owners and that it was good. And I’m impressed. Barramundi and salad for me and you.

Funny, I am reading the Kaz book week by week, and it’s often a bit uncanny how spot on the book is. Uncanny not as the things related to your development are as expected, spot on, but more the additional things. Like week 23 has a large section about travelling while pregnant, and travelling for work trips, which is exactly what I’m doing this week. And you with me. I think after taking about eight flights over the course of the past two weeks, I can now safely say that I’m sure that the pressure effects you somehow. You are definitely more active when we’re in the air. Lots of kicks and what not. I’m assuming its not in a bad way (the effect), but just different so that you are more active. Funny.

Off to eat my barramundi.

love you
mum

 

Saturday Night Fever. Or was it Staying Alive?? February 24, 2009

Filed under: baby's feelings,pregnancy — rakster @ 3:27 pm
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Hi Little Speck.

What is going on down there?? You are kicking like a demon.  The kicks are so strong I sometimes exclaim involuntarily.  Like at dinner on Sunday night, when I think you went for the seventies disco workout pose and flung your leg down and out and your opposite arm up, mimicing John Travolta or someone like that, all in one hit.  It was such a strong and strange feeling – two spots at once, that I yelped out aloud in the restaurant.  Keep it down in there will you! I like to dance too, but you have to dance to suit the situation.

We might have to put some music on at home tonight and have a boogie though – you are going slightly beserk down there this afternoon.   And you are pushing up at the top of where you come to in my belly now (about 2 cm above my distended belly button), rather than just kicking at the bottom.  I take it back.  You are doing loop-the-loops and just kicking or throwing or whatever away down there like a crazed thing.   I wonder if you know that it is making me a bit tired?  I’ve had a very long week at work already even though its only Tuesday.  And your Dad left Sydney on Monday morning after dropping me at work for the drive back to Brisbane.  So I am hanging out with Cokemeister, who forced me to watch the Oscars last night and I stayed up too late…  Retribution is your kicking..

Love you
mum

 

Gee, we've made it past half way. Its getting a little scarily close. February 13, 2009

Filed under: baby stuff,birthing,development stages,pregnancy — rakster @ 11:52 am
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Good morning Speckle!

Its Friday. And your dad, I and you are off to New Zealand tonight for a holiday. Brief sojourn before we head back to Brisvegas and our old house before you come along. I’m looking forward to it. I think you’ve got the excitement down there as you have been turning somersaults this morning. Or maybe you’d be doing that anyways? Who knows? you can’t talk yet. I guess it will be a while.

This week I’ve been a mixture of strangely calm inside and panicked in my mind about you coming VERY SOON, while at the same time being a bit, lah di dah, it will all work out. And feeling grumpy and generally very tired again. But still strangely calm. Hormones. They do strange things to you. Guess what? Its PAST HALF WAY. I was kinda ignoring it but coming down in the lift at work the other day I just had a bling, tah-dah moment, when I suddenly realised that it really was only just over 4 months and you’d be joining us. And we will be changing nappies, and trying to breastfeed you and cope with little sleep and you’d be cute and I guess I’d love you ’cause you were mine and “OH MY GOD”. Then I got distracted alternately by how famished I was and how much the person in front of me annoyed me and I promptly felt fine and forgot the panic.

I had to buy some maternity clothes last week, as the only clothes that were fitting were skirts which I just left undid and wore longer tops with. And new bras as each of my boobs are now as big as rockmelons and just as heavy and the bras I bought at 2 months pregnant just don’t fit anymore. Unfortunately that is not an exaggeration. Expensive but necessary. In the clothes department also I decided it was getting a little too much, and went and bought some new maternity pants and skirts. Coupled with the tent-like shirts that are in fashion at the moment I think I’ll be fine until you come now. You’re supposedly around 19 cm long this week and you’re just going to get bigger. As am I. By the way, the investment was worth it. I never thought I’d look forward to putting on ribbed material around my waist, but fashion statement or not, it is SOO much more comfortable than anything else and I never get out of it now. Good. So next week I’ll be alternately cycling round central Otago wearing slightly too small bike pants (didn’t upgrade those to maternity) and lounging in my oh-so-comfortable stretch-waist maternity jeans. Look out central Otago, you won’t know what has hit you!

Otherwise I’m starting to think we should be thinking about buying some stuff for you. We’ve got a cot, and we have a change table, but that’s about it. No, we have a bottle which someone left at our house once when their baby was little. So: one stolen bottle, one cot, one change table. What else do we need for you? We are going to get a pram this week in New Zealand, as the Mountain Buggy one we want is made there and is quite a bit cheaper. I guess we’ll need some clothes and nappies and the like too. I think it would be great to have a nappy service for a while – that might be kinda helpful. It would be good to have that taken care of for a while. My book suggested I could ask people just contribute to that rather than buying me flowers. I’ll get your dad to investigate.

How many clothes do you need? A friend from work sent me a link to a baby site that she recommended for basic jumpsuits and the like but I’m a bit confused as to what I should buy. Maybe I should buy a few so you have something to wear and then we can work it out after that? I don’t know. It will be winter, so you won’t be able to go nude. Actually, I forgot, your dad and I bought a baby change bag and a few blankets for babies in the January sales. So maybe we can just swaddle you in blankets and push you around for the winter. With some spare blankets and a camera in the baby change bag. Then you can go nude in summer. Really, it scares me how little idea either of us have. Consoling is the fact that everyone who has a baby seems to cope somehow. So I’m sure we’ll work it out and make some mistakes and whatnot but somehow muddle through. I am reminded of the time I was sent home from school in Grade one, six years of age, with a note for my father: “Please make sure <Mum> wears underpants under her school dress/skirt; cross-legged reading sessions require this”. Or words to that effect. Yep, I missed some undies some days. Nonetheless I think I worked out ok, I only occassionally forget them now.

Hope you’re well down there and enjoying the good food I’ve been eating. You must be growing as I am once again ridiculously hungry.
love and kisses
mum

p.s. your dad is now researching thingy bits that attach to the toilet so we can clean your nappies. Little Squirt. We thought they looked a bit expensive and then read the bit about them being toddler-tamper proof and decided that it might be worth it rather than a do-it-yourself option. He he.

 

Topsy Turvy February 7, 2009

Filed under: baby's feelings,birthing,development stages,healthcare,pregnancy — rakster @ 8:38 am
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Hi Speck,

well, I don’t need to say good morning, as you have been kicking away down there like mad, so I know you’re awake, and you’ve already said hello. You’re moving around so much now that in an active period, when you put a hand on my stomach it just feels like there is something moving around, even if you’re not kicking directly. Your dad attempted to tap tap to get you to respond today. One of the women I work with has told me that they are going to teach their baby while it is still in-utero – apparently different training if its a boy or a girl – things like acrobatic skills and music and counting. I’m unclear how the counting was supposed to work. It sounded a little wacky to me – something about visualing the number and the same number of an object, and your baby understanding that. Maybe I misunderstood? But the acrobatics was a little clearer: as you get bigger and kick, we tap the outside of my belly and get you to respond. We then train you to move around the belly responding to the tapping. Still, a little far-fetched for me, but what the hell, we might give it a go. Could be fun.

And you’re moving around a lot, not just kicking, just like Kaz said you would. Loop the loops, topsy turvy. Sometimes you’re down there marching on my bladder, and lately you’ve been trying to kick me up in the stomach. And I think you are trying to make more room by pushing my uterus up past my belly button. Which, by the way, is apparently where it is at now, according to the obstetrician yesterday. All very normal. Soon its going to get higher than that and I suppose, eating bigs meals will end entirely and the yoga breathing I have been practising will really come into its own. Here’s hoping. I can now fill up different parts of my lungs a lot more independently on demand. So making space when my organs start to push up on my lungs a bit more. I’m still struggling with the using my diaphgram and breathing in by pushing it down while trying to pull in and tense my pelvic floor and hold at the same time. Too hard to concentrate on both. Must practice more.

Went for our last (hopefully) visit with the obstetrician in Sydney yesterday. A lot of money for a “hi, how are you feeling, lets take your blood pressure, weigh you and listen to the baby’s heartbeat for a few seconds”. But you’re well, the ultrasound technician didn’t lie on Monday when she told us that you were in the normal ranges for everything in your scan. I asked about the nose measurement. Apparently good bridge-of-the-nose development is an indicator against downs syndrome. So, yours is strong and long. My placenta is in a good spot (who knew that there were good and bad spots before they got pregnant?).. Its at the front but more importantly apparently, up-high. And my cervix is closed. Its 4cm big. So its the spot that somehow has to open and let you through when its time for you to come out. Bloody hell. How does 4cm get to 12cm (or however big it needs to get???).

Anyway, its very hot and I’m going to go and relax.

love you
mum

 

Kicking! Like a crazed soccer player. Or maybe you were attempting to practice throwing a frisbee and it was your arms doing all that pushing on my abdomen/bladder. February 2, 2009

Filed under: baby's feelings,development stages,emotion,exercise — rakster @ 8:26 am
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Good morning Speccie!

You have got bigger and stronger for sure!  Last night I felt SOLID big kicks/movements for the first time.  It was after watching the tennis, I went to bed and couldn’t sleep, so lay there and felt you moving around for a bit.  You really felt like you were wriggling around a lot.  I’ve read that you are more likely to be active at night as my walking about and moving rocks you to sleep during the day.

So, with my hands on my stomach, I laid there and practiced my yoga breathing and pelvic floor strengthening exercises (the fear of you tearing when you come out outweighs the laziness and I’m doing them every day).  Anyway, that seemed to stimulate you even more, and you went a little bit “Hi, I’m here, stop that and give me some attention.  No?? Well, I’ll just kick/punch you as hard as I can repeatedly!”  Or maybe, to be more  <mindblank word has disappeared. baby brain.  Insert appropriate word here>, you were perhaps just testing newfound strength in your little body and saying hello as best you know how.

I lay there for a bit longer and decided that not only could I feel you from the inside, but my hands could definitely feel you too.  So I woke your slumbering dad up (he is a bit used to it ’cause i do it relatively frequently when he has just fallen asleep in 3 seconds – or less – and I lie there for hours); and after listening to him grump a bit, got him to put his hand on my belly and push gently down near my bladder.  And you obliged and remained practising the kicks/frisbee-throwing action.   At first it was a bit softer, so I waited and then said out loud when you did a big one.  He didn’t feel it, but about half a second later you did an almightly HUGE GINORMOUS big one and he withdrew his hand in shock and disbelief.  I think he liked it but was actually a bit scared,  or shocked at how strongly he felt it.   Your dad then immediately went back to sleep after assuring me he felt you too.  So there.  You have made bodily contact with your dad and me now.  Good one.

This morning you are at it again.  Maybe you are hungry and letting me know.  I will go find some yoghurt & fruit to satisfy my and your hunger.

love you.

mum

p.s. we get to see you today for our check-up scan.  I hope all your bits are there and in the right spot.  I was worried about it last night so your kicking/punching was very well-timed ’cause it really helped put me at ease.  You really must have been doing a big aerobic workout so all your heart chambers etc must be fine, surely.  Anyway, we’ll see today. Hope the noise & intrusion doesn’t bother you too much.

xxx M

 

woohoo! Holidays December 12, 2008

Filed under: development stages,eating,pregnancy — rakster @ 5:00 pm
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Hi Speccie,

guess what! we’re on holidays! Its official, work has finished for the year! Just those nasty exams tomorrow to knock over, then we’re free!

By the way, was that you giving me a sharp kick in the kidneys at around 12:45? It was such a sharp, unusual pain that went away really quickly, that I suspect you were trying to stretch the boundaries of your home. Please keep it down in there if it was you – it was very painful. Otherwise, sorry to accuse you of things which aren’t down to you – I guess you have no real way of refuting it. I guess you’re stuck with that until you’re able to talk. In fact, I can blame you for everything from now until then really.

I look foward to it. I can see the conversations now:
Your dad: “Where did all the lollies go?!! What’s mine is yours and I want some lollies!”.
Me: “Oh my goodness, you little monster. Speck, I can’t believe you got into the lollies again!”.
Your dad: “I thought Speck was still on milk”.
Me: “Well, I guess he/she has moved on quickly. Fast developer, just like his/her dad :)”.

Awesome. It sounds like it might just work out. There have to be some compensations for carrying you around for nine months!

Hope you’re as excited as I am.  Look forward to lots of swims and lazing on the beach.   I might read out-loud to you if you’re lucky.

Love you

mum