my-speck

i'm pregnant and it's going to be a rollercoaster

Dear Baby…. and you name will be?? May 29, 2011

Filed under: Parenting — rakster @ 4:42 pm
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Dear Baby,

 

you may wonder why you never got a cute little ‘in utero’ moniker like your brother (‘speck’)… Feeling second-child syndrome already?

 

Well, yes, I have to admit, it is partially that.  My obstetrician puts it simply but aptly:

“Most women find that pregnancy just isn’t quite as exciting the second time, and there is usually another little one to drain your energy focus your time on”.

So yes, your Dad and I haven’t been as focused on your every move as we were with your brother (but believe me, we are still focused, particularly when you kick really hard – I think you definitely have a stronger kick than your brother did, I don’t remember it being quite so PAINFUL last time..).

 

But mainly it is because we just call you: (more…)

 

Dear Baby…. you are always on my mind. May 25, 2011

Dear Baby,

 

quick note to let you know that you are occupying my mind more and more as the date of your arrival approaches.   It’s just that I’m a bit busy… so haven’t got to telling you about it.

 

So I intend each day from now on to write you at least a small note.

 

Today’s message: please hang in there for at least another 11 days.

I’ve had a few close friend’s babies arrive a few weeks early recently.  Please, just hang out a bit longer, enjoy the swim and the swishy noises of digestion and heartbeats, because I really need a bit of a break after I finish work this Friday (the reason I haven’t written for so long – lots of work and just tired tired tired at the end of it all)…  And then we want to go to the beach for the weekend with your little brother for a last getaway before you join us on the outside of my tummy.

 

I didn’t get a single day’s break when your brother O arrived two years ago, working up until the day before he came (not quite planned that way, but that’s how it goes I guess).

Those really strong tweaky feelings right down in my pelvis the other night sort of freaked me out a bit… I’m ready mentally for you to come, but not quite ready in real life: I haven’t even pulled down the baby clothes from the top of the cupboard yet….

 

So, hang tight, keep swimming around, and enjoy the ride.  please.

 

love mum.

 

 

you know you’re pregnant when… October 20, 2010

Filed under: family,healthcare,Parenting,pregnancy,Raising a Child — rakster @ 8:49 am
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You know you’re pregnant when your 16 month old (yes 16 months omg I can’t really say ‘baby’ anymore, and soon we’ll move to ‘nearly two’ rather than counting in months. too quick! too quick!!!) can replicate the exact sound, pitch and timbre of your digestive farts.

Yes. The digestive farts are back in full force, and much as I’d like to think I’m the kind of refined woman that manages to keep it to herself, there just isn’t holding it in, particularly at home, and particularly when only a 16 month old is around. Who can he tell, right? …

Mm… I may be creating a little fart monster. He can now also say, “Fart”, and does so with glee.

He’s a boy, so it was bound to happen anyway, right? right? I maybe just sped up the process slightly.

written: October 20 2010…

 

keeping on with blogging August 3, 2009

Hello Oscar!

You’re no longer Speck.. you are growing rapidly by the day. But I think I want to keep on writing – as a sanity-keeping-measure for myself more than anything. I found this outlet really great when I was pregnant with you, and now I’m a SAHM* I think I’m going to need all outlets possible to ensure I stay sane as I navigate the daily adventure that has become looking after YOU!

Oscar and Cat (six weeks and two days)

So, I’m going to continue to babble away to myself in general about daily life, motherhood, the complexities of baby products and all sorts of other random things. Oh, and mention incessantly what food I am currently eating, craving or salivating over (today is EATING: zucchini and fetta muffins – for reference!)…

So watch out baby. Actually I should watch out. It may be incriminating. Bad mother practices and all that….

Love you
mum
* “Stay at Home Mum” or as I found on dooce “Shit Ass Ho Motherfucker”. Ooops I’m a mum now. Should I still be swearing? Oh well…

 

feeling a little stressed and emotional May 5, 2009

Hello Little Speck,

Its very comforting to feel you moving around down there happily this morning.  I think your dad appreciated it too – he woke up and could feel you against his back.   And your hiccups were so strong he got to feel those too.  We were both happy to feel you being normal.   And I’m glad to say that your awake hours are actually currently in-line with mine – you wake up at about 6:30am, then play around for an hour or more; then you sleep, though sometimes you have a little play until about 9am or so.   You sometimes wake during the middle of the day, but definitely around 3pm is a big time for you to reawaken and do some fairly vigorous exercise.   Then around 6pm you seem to go a bit crazy – I suspect its when I haven’t had dinner yet and you’re trying to tell me your blood sugar has dropped too low.   Then its all downhill for me as I am generally exhausted and very ready for bed.   You often are still awake and there is some movement but you chill out when I go to bed and seem to sleep through the night.  You were waking me up before when this wasn’t happening.  So thanks.  My sleep has been better.

I think I overdid it on the weekend and yesterday – I had a bit of a meltdown last night and something like a panic attack after I went to bed.   I just couldn’t seem to get enough breath and was sobbing uncontrollably.  I couldn’t think straight and couldn’t work out what was wrong or why I was upset or what was going on or whether I could really breathe or not.  It wasn’t very fun and I freaked both myself and your dad out.  Eventually I got over it and managed to settle back down and go to sleep.  I am putting it down to Week 32 pregnancy hormones.   Our midwife in the antenatal classes was suggesting we all have a good cry in the shower.   And there are a bunch of women on the baby forum this week who all seem to be crying a lot.    So I’m guessing its a common thing and I’m just following the normal pregnant and crazy pattern.

Anyway, this is why we were both happy to feel you scrimmaging around like normal this morning.

Thinking of you.

love mum

 

Antenatal classes Mark 2#. And these iron tablets do really make me farty. April 10, 2009

Hi Speck,

Its Easter friday!  Yay for holidays.  I’m baking almond and chocolate friands to take to your Grandma K’s for an easter get together.  Your dad is doing his usual interfering and telling me my oven is too hot (despite the fact I’ve never seen him cook any cake except cheesecake in his life).  He’s just a know-all.

almond chocolate friands

almond chocolate friands

So.  Last night was antenatal classes Mark 2.  This time with a midwife instead of with a physio.  Actually learnt a lot.  Which was good – the time went quickly rather than slowly.  The class was about introducing us to the three stages of labour, and talking about when we should think about phoning the birthing ward to come to hospital.  We had a tour of a birthing suite and watched a few videos of babies being born.  Lots of things to think about. I cried watching the videos.  I’m still really emotional and I got a bit scared and excited and happy all at the same time.  Luckily I was at the back of the room so it was only your dad, the couple beside me and the midwife who noticed tears streaming down my cheeks.  Its strange to not have any real idea what is going to happen to you and how you will cope, and not have much control over it all.  It could all go smoothly and then we get to choose some things, or it could all go a bit not as expected in which case we relinquish control to a bunch of health-care professionals.  I could just lose it and go crazy in the middle of it all.  Who knows.  Maybe I’ll get to transition stage and just be adamant that I’m going to pack up and go home and pretend there is no baby business happening at all.

Anyway, I’m glad I took a notebook, as everyone had lots of questions and the class was good in that it was relatively unstructured and the midwife was thorough in her answers.  I wrote down a bunch of things I wanted to find out more about; things to ask and talk to our obstetrician about (gee, who knew that some of them still want you to get up onto the bed and be prone when you’re actually pushing the baby out in the second stage – I thought things had moved on – maybe not – gee I hope ours lets us do it however feels best for me); things for your dad and I to decide (do you need a vitamin K injection and Hep B as soon as you’re born?); and just general stuff that I thought I’d forget.   We walked to the hospital again but it was raining on the way home so we taxied.  May have to rethink the walking to the hospital idea just ’cause your dad will be in charge of bringing all the stuff along.  But maybe we can still do it just with our birthing bag, and someone can bring the rest later?  Mmm..   Anyway, I think the most important things to remember from the class was the phone number of the birth suite and basically if you get any body fluids happening then phone them.  Got it.  Phone them.  Your dad put the number in his phone.  Hopefully he can find his phone when the time comes.  I might just write the number on the whiteboard too.

When we got home we had a chat about some of the things they talked about at the hospital.  I think both of us think that since we’re so close (literally 10 minutes walk) that we don’t have to worry about traffic or anything, so we should be ok to stay at home if everything is going well for quite a while.   Yes, the hospital is brand new and the rooms are big and spacious, and pretty nice, but its still a hospital with linoleum floors and unnatural lighting and lots of equipment and not much to look at.   I think if we are in first stage of labour for a long time it would be much nicer to be at home if we’re comfortable with that.  We can have whoever we like there, we have our own creature comforts, and there is more to do and look at.   But, who knows.  We may panic in the throws of pain and think its all happening much faster than it is, or be uncomfortable at home, and then just trip on in really early.

Yep, so of course I dreamed about you arriving again last night.  This time it was more focussed on your birth.  I was on all fours on the ground a lot, near a hand-wash basin for some reason, during a lot of the labour.  It was kinda painful but rhythmic.  I remember thinking oh, there it goes again and feeling it just going of its own accord.  Then I was squatting on the side of a chair and you came out, all slimey and red and with a lot of white vernix all over you.  You had blackish hair plastered to your head, but not too much, just some.    Your head was squished and a bit oblong.  And this time you were a boy and I definitely sighted your genitalia.   For some reason when you were born I actually forgot to see if you were a boy or a girl and I remember asking people a few minutes later and they were all surprised I hadn’t worked out or checked that you were a boy already.  I remember just being glad that you were out and you were healthy.

This dream went on and on and on.  I woke up and one point and I’m pretty sure I told your dad about it then went back to sleep and continued on with the same dream.  Until you woke me at 6:30 with some strong stomach pounding.

Going to get non-burnt friands from oven and go for morning tea.

Love you

mum

P.s. Oh yeah, side effect of these iron tablets seem to be even worse gas than I had previously.  I read a bit on the web and there are a bunch of women on forums who say this has happened to them too.  And some of them say the smell is really bad.  I haven’t noticed that yet thankfully, but it means I have to be very careful.  I was like a ticking time bomb during the antenatal classes.  I didn’t make it out of the room a few times and let loose big loud ones.  The tour of the hospital and where to park was a good diversion as we were outside and I could lag behind the group.  But sitting still and watching videos as I felt like I might float out of my chair was trying.  Your dad was peeing himself with laughter and kept telling me to go to the toilet (again, helpful if you know you need to fart but they come on very quickly and are very large and frequent.  So I would be like a yo-you back and forth.  My policy is hold them in and then do it all at once in the toilet).

 

Yoga mark two January 29, 2009

Good Morning Speck,

How are you? Very quiet down there again, perhaps you’re busy digesting the large amount of food I have consumed in the past 24 hours. Some days I seem to just need to eat a regular amount yet other days I just feel like I’m starving and need to eat everything in sight. Yesterday was one of those days.

Your dad and you will be pleased to know that despite my tendency to eat relatively crap food and make little effort when it’s just me, I went and did a big healthy shop when I got home from work on Monday night, so we’ve been snacking on guacamole, peaches, nectarines and almonds mostly. One of my friends from work made me a huge batch of Indian rice custard after hearing about my recent addiction, so as that has no sugar but just reduced milk that is pretty good too. And I made palak paneer last night so we both got our spinach quota for the week.

What else? Well, I seem to be moody again. I helpfully told someone at work today who pissed me off only ever so slightly that ‘I don’t give a s* anyway, I’m having a baby and will be leaving and won’t be here when it happens anyway’.. Mmm, not really what I was thinking, just an over zealous outburst.   Your fault again.

Also went along to yoga last night.  Coke-meister bailed on me but I went anyway.  It was a normal level 1-2 yoga class at the great studio I went to with you dad for a while over a year ago.  We both enjoyed our courses there a lot, and the teachers are really good.   It was interesting – I got to do a few different exercises while everyone else did headstand and shoulderstand and a few other abdominally-taxing exercises, and I have to step in rather than jump, but it was good.  I think I’ll keep going to pregnant yoga when I can also, but this is a good option for me for the next period as we move back and forth between Sydney and Brisbane.  My ankle is much better and I have got a brace for it which helps with remembering to keep it in mind.

I didn’t feel you kicking around much last night but I think you were definitely on the left side still – you put me off-balance slightly.

Hope you’re well.

love you

mum

 

Fluttering and getting more solid around the waist December 19, 2008

Hi Speck!

Long time no write. I’m still making my way up the coast to Brisbane with your dad and grandparents, so it’s a bit harder to write – I’m on my iphone (which reminds me, I’ve been meaning to do an ‘historical’ post about the things that have been newsworthy and just synonymous with this year – time capsule like, but that can come later when I have a proper keyboard available).

Anyway, this morning I’m lying in a bed with a view straight out over the pacific ocean at Scott’s Head, and I can hear the waves breaking below. It’s pretty gorgeous. Your dad got out of bed before the sun came up, and I assume is off fishing somewhere down on one of the beaches (just so you know he never seems to catch much but derives hours of pleasure from just standing there doing it, which is great for him!). I stayed here in bed and slept in a bit longer as I slept badly again last night.

In addition to having to pee at least 5 times during the night ’cause your house is squishing my bladder, I had strange and disturbing dreams yet again. I’ve been having them for a while but they were a bit more sporadic previously, now they tend to be most nights and they are keeping me awake! I can’t recall last nights one now, but the one before that involved me swimming in a waterhole somewhere in the bush. There were two very large platypii (is that the plural??) that were on the edge near some rotting logs who came in while I was swimming and swam around too. Your dad was there too but I couldn’t see him, just hear his voice. That’s all I remember, apart from a feeling that the platypii were listening too and really wanted to swim with us.

No idea what that was all about but I felt happy when I woke up, and went down to the beach for a big long walk. I had been the night before too and was hoping to see more dolphins – the night before I’d seen a massive pod of at least 50 or so, with around 10 of the pod really close to the shore and doing tricks in the waves as the sun set. It was pretty cool – leaping totally out of the water, surfing the waves almost totally into the shore and generally having a great frollick. I didn’t get a dolphin repeat yesterday morning, but did have a good walk then a rather cool but invigourating swim.

And you seem to really enjoy the swimming and the walking. I’m pretty sure that I felt you flutter down there when I was lying down afterwards. My stomach is expanding at what I think is a very rapid rate (though unfortunately I think it’s due in equal parts to your presence and the ice-cream craving/fetish/obsession I have developed and have been frequently feeding). I can’t seem to suck my stomach in at all anymore, it’s simply just solid. All the better to feel you flutter with I suppose, but it is a very strange feeling to be expanding at a rate which is visibly detectable. Normally your weight fluctuates so slowly that it’s undiscernable until you look at a photo over months, but not with you. Boobs the size of rockmelons (they were large to start with but jeepers!) and a tummy trying to catch up.

I feel like a chat to you but in a disjointed holiday way, so might just leave it there and share some pictures with you from the other night’s walk. I thought a bit about you, and chatted out loud (there was no-one else on the beach), and generally just stared at the waves and setting sun.

Hope you’re well, you can look forward to more swims today!

Love mum

 

Farts: I am feeling a bit bloated after beer battered fish & mash (couldn’t face chips) even though I pulled off most of the batter December 5, 2008

Good evening!

I was planning on studying tonight but after an early dinner at the pub with your Canadian Grandparents and dad I am tired (sound like a recurring theme?), so have bought my ‘puty to bed (you dad has finally stopped calling it ‘your baby’ now that you are around) and have decided to write to you instead. I have had a mashy day – feel like I didn’t accomplish anything at all at work, though I did go, and do remember doing some stuff. I also was supposed to get more blood tests (pincushion that I am) but forgot the forms so didn’t manage to get that done either – will have to go up to the collection place tomorrow morning instead. It was kinda hot, and basically I just felt distracted all day.  A bit like a few weeks ago when I could only concentrate for five minutes at a time.

Anyway. Your dad has a weekend of sightseeing, shopping for the upcoming driving coastal trip to Queensland, and general hanging out with Candian G&G planned; and I have a weekend of study ahead of me. You dad came and had a chat to you tonight, so you should know what is up.   I suspect you felt/heard the 8 rasberries he used to attempt to get through to you.   He promised you that as I was just going to stay at home and study, the most excitement you could look forward to tomorrow was hearing and experiencing the movement within me – ie. another day of awesome loud and large farting. I was a little offended at first, on my and your behalf, but on reflection his synopsis has some merit.

The pregnancy books all talk about constipation as being a side-effect of being pregnant, but I guess I just thought it wouldn’t really affect me.  Being pescetarian, and only really eating fish maybe once every two or three weeks, I generally have a large load of vegetables and all sorts of beans etc in my diet and have never had any problems with movement through my bowel.  Perhaps a little bit TMI for you, but essentially if anything, I am usually more on the flowing and free side of the poo equation.  But, you come along, and all that has changed.  I’m not suffering from the dreaded constipation, but by golly, there is none of the flowing and free going on anymore.  And talk about irregular.  I have read that my whole digestive system will have slowed down because of you – but seriously – i think if it were going any slower we could build bridges with what surely must be the vast quantity of partially digested food which must be in holding pattern down there in my intestines.  And farting.  My entire stomach almost looks like I am pregnant already because of all the gas in there – particular just up under my ribcage – I can push on it and it feels hard and swollen – like a big drum, or an inflated balloon.  And I just can’t stop but fart big, loud and long farts all day long.  I have to repeatedly leave meetings at work to slip to the bathroom and let them out.  I’ve given up at home and just let it all go, much to the disgust of your Canadian Grandma & the mirth of your father.  I am still insisting that they don’t smell at all, just that they are loud and frequent.  In fact, not only am I insistent on this, its a fact.  I can’t smell them, and I as the pregnoid in the house definitely have a heightened sense of smell, so I would know.  So there.  They don’t smell.

Perhaps another take on the whole farting affair is that it is a way for me to stimulate you to do some exercise down there: perhaps you have to wiggle around a bit to avoid the gaseous emissions coursing through the intestines nearby your little abode.  Or I guess I could just blame it all on you and say that it is my body having to feed you and dispose of all your waste that is making such a mess down there.  Whatever the case, your dad is right, the most excitement you can look forward tomorrow is a bunch of gas and noise.  Live it up baby!

Love you & thinking about you.

mum

 

yes, its definitely me that is pregnant. Not your dad. November 16, 2008

Filed under: family,pregnancy — rakster @ 10:23 am
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Hiya Speck,

well, we told all your uncles (and one aunt) about your existence yesterday. Everyone was excited that you were coming along, though I’m not sure your youngest uncle quite got it at first.

******
The youngest one (at 11 years old) immediately wanted to know:
“what is it called when a person has both sex organs?…”
answer from your Dad: “a hermaphrodite”.
Uncle: ..mumbling…” we had a guy come to talk to us at school about … we asked if someone was a hermaphrodite could they have a baby and he said they could ..”
Your Dad and I : lots of laughter
Me: “well, its definitely me that is having the baby, not [your dad]”.

later in the conversation..
Uncle: “oh! that mean’s that Dad is going to be a grandad! That makes him seem soooo old.”
Me: “why, he is the same as he was before. Anyway, he’s not that old! Being a grandad doesn’t necessarily mean you are old: you could be a grandad at 32 if you had kids early.”
Uncle: “huh?”
Me: “well, if you had a baby at 16, and then your kid had a baby at 16, you’d be a grandad at 32”
Uncle: “is 16 the legal age to have a baby?”
Me: laughing!! “mmmm.. I don’t think there is a ‘legal’ age to have a baby, though there is a legal age to have sex, that might be 16, I’m not sure”
Uncle: deadly silence cause his big sister said the sex word.
*****

Trust a kid! Anyway, your dad made both your younger uncles commit to being baby-sitters for you. Surprisingly, they were both ok with the idea I think. But that could just be ’cause you’ll be small and they will have someone to ‘beat-on’. Joke.

Otherwise yesterday was a lazy Saturday. Your dad is planning our Christmas trip to Brisvegas, and I was attempting to focus on getting some study done (I have to say rather unsuccessfully).

Hope you’re well down there!

love mum